i wore my purity necklace wen we fucked. but its ok cuz simplified was blasting in the background
hahahaha. im glad listening to simplified justifies breaking ur promise to god
My fuck buddy took time out of his date with his girlfriend to text me happy Valentines Day.
No more drinking with Em. She was on the ground so much she looked like she belongs in a lifealert commercial
now that I know that you did coke with your mom I can't look at her the same
That's what you get for dating construction workers you meet in tunnels.
If you want me to retract my crazy cat lady comments pictures of yourself dressed as a cat are not the way to do it.
I guess when I black out I feel that it's not inappropriate to grope my gf in front of her parents.... But hey at least I'm starting off 2013 single
When we tried to make a video I set the camera to 3sec pictures accidentally so instead of a movie we have a flipbook of our sex.
I will have to bone him sometime between now and July so he will move all my shit again
Just bought a dildo. Happy first time single in four years Valentine's Day to me
So why are your hands bright blue and have you seen my roommate.
Both questions will answer each other.
We walking to the game and some random guy came up to to me and yelled "hey you're the whiskey guy!" And then high fived me then walked away
it was like reliving my childhood drunk at a bar.
did anyone ever come to your door asking about the blood on the floor?
Listen, you eat the donut. I eat you out. Everybody wins.
Randomize
