there should be a rule against ugly people hooking up.
yeah...but then what would the ugly people do? hook up with pretty people? yeahhh..don't see that happening in the near future. plus i'm not okay with that.
Should I tell Kevin that my finger was in his sister's ass last night?
its like my vagina has this homing beacon out to all the guys saying "come find me, i havent been shaved in weeks"
im too high. i could barely wash my hair, let alone handle a whole shower
Next time I see you, remind me to tell you how I fell through my attic door and landed on my feet in the garage on the first floor.
I'm lying topless with an eye infection at the foot of my bed with a dog between my legs. With disney in the background. Its one of those 3 am moments
I said you have to fuck the german guy and take one for the team...it's a once in a lifetime opportunity you know.
it wasnt a pity fuck per say. i wasnt attracted to her, but still thought 'that looks like a fun ride'
Crap I still need to get you a wedding gift. I'm just gonna give you a bag full of cash, lube, and condoms. And I'll use furry handcuffs instead of ribbon to tie the gift bag handles together.
She's barefoot and topless screaming "HERE KITTY-KITTY" at a stray cat in the ditch on the side of the highway. How do I get her back in the car?
I'm surprised I don't have a permanent face imprint between my boobs.
You know you turned your life around when your drunk eating salad at 3 am on a Friday night
I let him stay at my place since i had to work early and when i got home there was a fruit snack wrapper in my bed. I dont have any fruit snacks. Which means he brought his own fruit snacks to the fuck session.
Drunk you needs to learn how to call sober me, so sober me can talk your drunk vagina down.
He stopped mid-fuck to explain his choice in pillows. HE WAS STILL IN ME!
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