The only thing he got me during our relationship was a cum stain in my backseat. I choose winners.
While I was fucking her, they came in and served us both weed from a hookah. best. friends. ever.
I'm telling everyone at work the mark on my neck is a hickey but really I was taking a shit while straightening my hair and burned myself
The timing couldn't have been better if I planned it. His mom walked away, I vomited in their mulch, and then his mom came back and offered me bread.
he tried to catch his projectile vomit...then went back to beer pong
Snuck into a camper in someone's yard. Hotboxing. Can't wait until they go in it.
apparently the last bar didn't like my halloween costume with syringes filled with whiskey
Seriously you've eaten pizza pockets for every meal for the past 4 days
Well to be fair I wasn't alive for breakfast 2 out of 4 days
I have got to stop taking so many uppers and downers simultaneously. My life is a Dali painting.
direct quote from andrew "you know i can't hear when i drink whiskey"
No offense, I mean I'm sure you rocked my world and all but I don't remember.
At what part of the night did you guys leave?
After my hot tub cannonball.
He passed out. I tried to set his chest hair on fire.
I'm not sure... But I think I just found a porno I starred in during my black out week of '08.
This will never work. His dick is smaller than mine.
Wow. And yours is kind of small.
RIGHT?
Randomize
