I actually kind of like the booze poos. It's like a colon cleanse. I feel skinnier.
I'm going to replace you with a friend who will be happy when I find a huge penis
i turned my shower on this morning and passionfruit pulp came out. how did you even do that?
Ill give you a 4 hour blow job if you make my nephew go to bed.
and it seems i've caught your masturbating bug. thanks.
All three shower stalls were filled with couples fucking and then someone yelled "switch" and... We switched
There something about a girl that pirates lemonade off a restaurant fountain as a mixer that I find intriguing.
An old man just slapped my ass and handed me five dollars while I was filling chips at subway. I feel violated, but that was the easiest five dollars I've ever made.
Please tell me that I didn't call you to say I was swimming in outter space
Two guys I banged regularly got married this week. I need vodka.
I don't know why I bit your face last night but I'm sorry .
Are you saying I'm your favorite hot mess?
I'm actually my favorite my hot mess, but you're a close second.
Nice classy night out before we roll our faces off
I just found peanut butter between my boobs. This was for you.
I will bring Jesus to court if he punishes me for that
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