so then she threw up in his asshole
yep..that'll do it.
There is no way when we get home that nothing will hapen
So I called her out for all the gossip she does and she's like "you do the same, bitch"
So I was like "Im classy like the Countess, youre just a bitch like Kim."
Kudos on the Interstate Housewife metaphor.
Either I'm a lot drunker than I thought, or he has three dicks....
I think I'm gonna have to go with the first one...
Sleeping with two different guys who share a driveway is getting increasingly challenging to keep secret
He deleted all his profile pics with her. It was like the bat signal for single women everywhere.
Front seat of an Escalade in a limo-service parking lot. That is all.
No teenage boy ever gets scared away from sex unless she is slipping a wedding ring on your finger or is killing your cat. I promise.
Yelling at the starbucks lady to write Beyoncé on my cup
Then he started caressing my eye brow. Like repetedly. For at least 15 minutes. It was strangely mesmerizing
I woke up in my tom cruise outfit with my house key tied to my thong....
I need to get off of her emotional roller coaster. I've been on it for a fucking year and I've been throwing up the entire time.
After my shift today I'm going on a bender. Not saying this so you'll stop me, just a heads up to invest in Tylenol, Gatorade, and Jack
Just let me suck your dick and be happy. Let me have this.
Please god tell me you aren't pregaming your date alone.
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