I puked in a mailbox on the way back from your house.
Apparently last night I sat at the bar with an upside down sharpie lightning bolt on my forehead, yelling "It's Harry Potter's birthday! Let me be on the qudditch team!" And I kept calling the bartender Dobby. There are videos.
Nothing better then your mother meeting someone you randomly had sex with and him introducing himself as the guy who rocked her world once.
His sex texting was like a step by step guide to the most boring sex ever...
The crazy thing is, I dont actually know where the cat is, she said something bout the back of the toilet and a sock.
Someone fucked up, the stop Kony day is on 4/20,
Dude. That is just waaaay to much random to process after that tequila battle.
"drunk introduce yourself to everyone colleen" came out last night... you kept grabbing guys faces that you just met and just kept saying their names over and over and over again so you wouldn't forget.. then would see them 5 minutes later to introduce yourself again..
I don't question myself. That's what I have you for.
I'm honored.
Naked. naked and bneed help.
I signed the divorce papers. Can I get a blowjob now?
The comfort of this onesie is keeping me single
u woke up and asked who took ur pants off then realized u did n almost cried over not gettin layed
When the people downstairs start talking about drugs, I second guess buying my drugs from them. Then I remember they are cheap and convenient.
ya figured it'd be nice to explore the mythical world of sober sex i've heard so much about
i've often wondered how it works
Randomize
