this coming from the guy that still thinks "pulling out" is a good form of birth control? just walk away
No, don't worry. We're not going to get THAT arrested.
i just keep taking vicodin and supergluing random shit
you need to leave class get on facebook and start untagging IMMEDIATELY
New York to be Host to America’s Biggest Singles Event
She is the perfect woman. She cooks, gives good head and doesn't care that I have a small penis.
I know its hard to believe that I'm already drunk at 12 p.m. but I am, so dont call me asking to go to the gym.
that awkward moment when your booty call gets snowed in at your place.
I've taken to hiding pictures of us around his room so that he'll forever feel guilty for dumping me on Valentine's Day... And to potentially cock block any hook ups.
Is there really anything more beautiful than opening a fresh box of wine on a Friday afternoon?
Kylie Jenner Wasn’t in the Kardashian X-Mas Cards & the Internet is Losing it
I really need to create fewer "the time I was on drugs" stories for my future memoir, "my first year in San Francisco".
good luck with that
First highlight of the semester: campus safety caught me peeing in the dirt parking lot by kappa. Then as they were about to write me up, they recognized me, laughed, and left.
my balls were so many shades of blue last night I could have used them as paint and replicated the entirety of Picaso's blue period. The girl was an art major I feel like this metaphor is appropriate.
He has an accent when he types. I can *hear* the schnitzel. Especially when he's drunk.
Like, when both of your dads are drag queens you're bound to have some amazing Halloween makeup
Came out of blackout state to the curtains torn down & the headboard laid on top of him. & yes he was still breathing