lol earlier she was acting like a normal gf... and then BANG! shes touching herself again...
Only my sister would update her facebook status while going into labor.
Try denying you're gay when "I'm Not A Girl, But Not Yet A Woman" comes on Shuffle.
The doctor put me on 3000 mg of amoxicillin a day. Which, for a sinus infection, seems pretty excessive to me.
Maybe he was just trying to knock out any potential ghonorrhea you might be carrying around.
Ah, my reputation precedes me.
This Girl Got Ghosted By Her BF Of 5 Years While On A Trip They Took For Her Birthday
Isn't that the only thing she's good at? Complaining and blow jobs?
I knew shit got real when the pinapple was gone and people were just passing around the core and gnawing on it.
coming from the girl bound and determined to pee in the snow
why would you restrict a girl of that
She only remembers me when she's drunk. It's like I'm a suppressed memory that only surfaces with alcohol.
he might be the rich husband I pretend to love for the rest of my life!!!!
People Are Applauding Chrissy Teigen For Getting Candid About Breast-Pumping
I just did a line of coke with an Olympic bronze medallist. I guess we know why he only got bronze.
Come on kid, foreplay is elementary stuff. It's a vagina, not a sphinx.
There is a video of you making out with him, flipping off the camera, and holding the plastic flamigo that you had just stolen out of a yard
STOP BUYING ALADDIN PANTS WITH MY AMAZON CREDIT CARD
He brought me flowers and then spanked me with a Doctor Who paddle. Pretty good night, as these things go.
I have a horrible feeling I left my dildo in the kitchen today after washing it. This is my life.