wrong asian. never thought that would happen.
How do I tell my mom that she just went to the gym with my water bottle filled with vodka...
If I could have all the money back from the pregnancy test i've bought- I could buy myself a vacation.
Or a large amount of condoms?!?
On a positive note, new entry in my phone as 'HOT ASS, DOWN TO FUCK'. idk if its a boy or girl tho.
Update, its a couple
23 Parents Gave Awful Advice about “The Birds and the Bees”
I showed that dick picture that your date texted you to everyone because you passed out and left your phone unattended. Your fault. Plus his cock was big so his fault too.
Just fucking put out. It'll be a good lay, promise. Stop being a prude. Damn it. A boy is trying to put his penis in you. APPRECIATE IT.
Heaven was on the 3rd floor and Hell was on the first. When the cop walked up he was confused as to who the noise complaint was for and wrote both apartments a noise violation.
he does have a point though, watching you drink makes me never want to drink again
My brain is like scrambled eggs. If scrambled eggs were trying to escape out of my skull through my forehead.
These 19 Deaths Are Ironically Hilarious
At the ER, will you come pick me up... Had an allergic reaction, wanted to see if I could eat a peanut without dying... Do you how bad this is evolutionary, I would have died back in the days of survival of the fitest by now
Face washed and sleeping pill taken. Here's hoping for a more sex filled tomorrow.
Ever since we've gotten back together, it's like the ghosts of booty call's past have been hitting me up. Lol.
I'm so high right now that I'm wearing gloves.
Pretty sure my parents just hear me get off from the living room but I feel like they should be proud that I did it without a man honestly.
Just had someone from Hells Angels snort coke off my tits...so I'm pretty much done with life now. 💀