After you took the handle off the bathroom door I had to coach the Scottish guy sitting on the toilet, throwing up in his own lap, how to put his pants back on. Yes, I think he won the drinking game.
We left the bar, went to a sex shop, bought penis shotglasses, went back to the bar and insisted that the bartender used them.
Biggest penis I've ever pity fucked
Oh, I never thought you were a dick. You were one of the best morally comprised ideas I've ever had.
21 Of The Most Impressive Things Ever Seen In Porn
He needs a high five right to the fucking mouth. With a chair. Or an atomic bomb.
Would fucking the college coach be against recruiting rules?
They switched jackets and you didn't notice. You made out with both of them and had no idea
Mixing coffee with vodka may have been a bad choice, I feel like I'm pregnant and the baby is trying to perform a c-section from the inside.
I praised you last night for winning a chug off...you thanked me with a ridiculously hard headbutt. Thanks dick.
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DONT YOU DARE DIE YET THERE IS SO MUCH SEX TO BE HAD
I'LL COME GET YOU. GOTTA FIND A SUIT THAT COVERS TIT BRUISES FIRST.
I'm going to fix your towel rack. I broke it while I was dancing on it.
WHY IS THERE NO EMOJI FOR "FUCK MY MOM JUST SAW MY SEX BRUISES?!"
I don't know how Dave is alive, I feel like he's been drinking since I met him.
Im showing up stoned and in sweatpants. Because that is where im at in life right now. Sorry not sorry.