next time dont tell jokes :) miss bonerkill
sometimes i wonder what i would do without sheltered catholic girls w/ overprotective parents
never have sex?
I havnt been this mad since the coche de Los murtos incident
Just scheduled a cocaine deal around my drug counsler appointment. Why yes, thank you, I do enjoy the irony that is my life.
17 Inappropriate Things People Did With Instruments
I'm handcuffed to the toilet. Don't ask
we need to find an occasion to wear tutus
once again, we need to groom him to be a better human being. using liquor and tits.
She said, "awww, you're so sweet" after I started putting on a condom. How many STDs have I just contracted?
She called me her guardian angel after I picked her phone up from the river of pee coming from her front porch.
These 25 Drunks Should’ve Gotten Cut Off A Long Time Ago
Escorted out of jimmy johns because I refused to leave with my dog. Stole a loaf of bread on the way out.
Me hangover (as projected). That sounds like a plan. Ill do it for Mexico
sweating bourbon at client mtg -- you?
So don't be alarmed when you go into your bathroom, he's sleeping in the tub with your brothers dinosaurs. also I'll clean up the sticky floor later. (you don't wanna know)
I ate 1200 calories worth of chocolate covered marshmallows and googled why it is okay to be single forever
do you remember yelling out "insecurity makes my pussy dry!" unnecessarily loud at the bar?