So it turns out the white chocolate in the bathroom is actually soap
if another girl says "im usually cleaner down there" I'm just going to shoot myself
i just unintentionally masturbated to my own facebook picture
I swear it started with good intentions but then my slutty side took over and we started playing strip checkers
Just got offered to exchange moonshine for manscaping services by a gay guy. I'm gonna have the smoothest back in St. Louis county.
I remember just enough about last night to wish I didn't remember anything.
Pants-less sunday? Also I'm high and independence day is making me cry
im coming over
I'd like to request an "its my birthday discount", and for you to bartend shirtless tonight ;)
when you come home i just want to let you know we are cats now. and we are out of eggs.
He just pulled out my weave during sex....needless to say I'm embarrassed and in need of another shot pronto
You should help rebuild my confidence with your dick. Altruism: Pass it on.
I almost got an A in organic chem but started hallucinating during the final so I got a C
I had one beer! ONE BEER! They took shots in mourning of my tolerance last night. My ability to drink is a joke.
Hey! Happy Birthday! Could you do me a favor and bring my underwear to the bar?
I mean...if Marco gets pregnant, it is either the spawn of Satan or the second coming of Christ (neither of which I want in my life). So let's just hope that he doesn't grow a womb and that we don't have to consider either option.
Randomize
