just peed in the tub, threw it on Megan.. she threw more back, I got out and threw toilet water on her.. forecast for tomorrow? pink eye.
I shall celebrate this moment with a beer conveniently located in the sock drawer directly to the right of me.
She told me that as long as she kept starring at the freckle on her arm she wouldnt throw up
while we were making out your friend starting kissing my toes and all you had to say was "just go with it"
I pretty much have hash tequila and gelato for dinner every night
Remember when I referred to my box of wine as my briefcase and made all of those stupid jokes about working overtime? Thanks for ignoring my cry for help.
I pulled some girls weeve trying to pull the stop cord on the bus
That's how all the girlfriends are. Oh he's a boy, no worries, then BAM. I blow their boyfriend.
Look, all I'm looking for is a good time and someone whose chest I can bury my face in
I woke up naked and you weren't here. What a relief.
We need to catch up immediately. I took ecstasy and made out with carrot face this weekend.
Do not buy a prego test at the Walgreens you frequent. It's awkward. Just trust me.
This is the worst drive ever. Im hungry, hungover, i gotta shit so bad, and the only radio station im getting clearly is playing alvin and the chipmunks christmas songs
I’m a lady. I promise I won’t oogle your junk when we go skinny dipping.
My EX’s roommate heard about the breakup and offered to help me bang it out. I think she hates her even more than I do.
Randomize
