The best part was her genuine shock and total "I didn't know" look when we said she couldn't cook a steak in a microwave.
we've been dating more than a month and i just realized there's no hair on his chest..
you've had sex with him. you must've seen him naked.
nah, i feel like naked sex would be getting too serious for us..
You NEED to get fingered by a violinist. He used his left hand and make me cum, he's RIGHT handed.
Ironically her ferret's toys look like her sex toys.....this is a whole new level of kinky for me
you are getting stockholm syndrome from your pubes
And then he told me he was too tired for me to suck his dick. Physically and mentally too tired for me to suck his dick. What the fuck?
Just bartered a McD's cheeseburger and fries for two pitchers. Oregon Trail ain't got shit on me.
There are 27 signatures on my ass. What the hell happened last night?
Every time someone made a cup you congratulated them by letting them sign your ass.
I slept with someone shorter than me. My vagina weeps.
You fool.
So I was thinking for Halloween I'd do Dr. Jekyll and Mr. Hyde....for my vagina.
Making a mobile stripper pole for the back of my truck memorial weekend. Is where dignity goes to die
Accidentally donated half a joint to Kiwanis with the spare change from my car's ashtray. I hope those kids appreciate it.
Who the fuck watches Jessica jones and thinks I need to call a past fling?
My boss asked me to pass over one of my business cards and instead I had condoms fall out of my wallet, how’s your day going??
im gonna miss him. and by him, i mean his dick
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