At the bar. Guy comes up wearing a hollister shirt and says "lets blow this popsicle stand"
You fucking left with him didn't you?!
It's just like the Real World with babies
Dude, everyone in your family has slept with that girl. Her vagina is like the Hindu version of a Bar Mitzvah.
Tell me you didn't have sex with my dad.
Who is this?
You offered to lift up your dress at the bar so I could see your lower back tattoo
Um, I think that was a general offer to everyone. So...who IS this?
The cops said we could pay $250 or spend the night in jail and get 2 free meals. I might pee in mail-boxes more often
Just threw up. It looks like I may have swallowed a cigarette.
I pull out like 90% of the time, but that's just to make art.
Everybody in the immediate area is hooking up like it's doomsday
WHY AM I NOT THERE?
Getting a vibrator would be like waving the white flag of surrender in this war against my vagina and its hormone army.
She pulled vodka outta the dryer and told me to drink it
I'm drunk and I have your birth certificate
Every time I download Tinder again, I hate myself a little more.
A guy who takes a plate of chicken tenders away from us is not to be trusted or slept with
I just saw a guy in a zippo shirt buy 2 gallons of fire starter fluid and then proceed to smoke a cigarette. I feel like hes got some big plans for his tuesday.
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