In all seriousness though I just found out the dog pissed in my bed it'd be nice to crash somewhere other than my couch while my piss soaked bedding is in the washer
That's why girls suck all the time. Blah blah nag nag drama drama buy me things but I won't touch your penis
I have two girls sleeping in my bed naked and I ended up making it to class, what were you saying about staying in on the weekdays?
how drunk was i? i pretended i was getting a blowjob from a fuckin dolphin in front of my dad. thats how drunk i was.
He asked for his proof of insurance and he pulled out a Magnum by mistake. All of the sudden gignger was looking real good to me.
It's like leaving me for his wife wasn't enough. He had to give me an STD too.
Whatever it's Canadian jail, it's not like Guatemala or something. It'll be nice and cushy and they'll probably throw him a big bday party with all his friends and strippers
I am drinking green tea.... My liver is in shock
I rubbed his back while he puked for an hour and then ended up getting laid when I tried to put him to bed, best puke and rally I've ever seen.
Eating power bars and masterbating... That's kinda my life right now. Is this what having a boyfriend means?
he bit THROUGH my nipple
plus side, no need to pay for a piercing.
we're spending all day in bed drinking spiked eggnog and fucking
She gave me a collar. When I asked what this was for she replied "I'm taming your dick"
I fell out of my bed whilst trying not to move this morning. I AM ADULT
I had ice cream for breakfast two days in a row.
SUPER ADULTS
Your sister walked upto me in the middle of the hallway and was like get us beer or shes never having sex with you ever again, wtf
Randomize
