we were dressed as cave people and he kept telling everybody i was so easy a caveman could do it.
do herpes really smell.
If I'm going to go gay, i'm not going to go for a tiny dick.
We can grow old together and our livers can fail together
I tried to lock you in the bathroom stall because you were too drunk. But you escaped from underneath, I gave up
The closest thing to a sext that you will ever receive from me is a picture of pepperonis on Greg's asscheeks, clenching.
A gentleman never tells..... therefore i will neither confirm nor deny the attatched photos
I drunkenly took 3 laxatives last night since I felt fat.... this is going to be a rough morning
The random guy I fucked from craigslist said I had the best smile. I take compliments where i can get them
I've literally already typed in by booty call text for friday night. all I have to do now is wait for is drunk me to press send
No foreplay. Missionary. Too quick. And he owns a fedora.
I almost fell asleep reading that.
I almost fell asleep fucking it.
If you want it you better put a ring on it. And by ring I mean one of my three favorite pies.
It's like those toothpaste commercials where 4 out of 5 dentists would recommend your vagina
QUIT BEING A BITCH, DRINK SOME PEPTO, AND PUKE ON OUR FOES
Been there. Done that. Still have his t-shirt.
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