I keep trying to leave, but for some reason I'm staying
So for Valentine's Day...I finally swallowed. I feel like I earned that steak.
so apparently I plead the 5th to every question they asked me when they put me under the conscious sedation to set my broken wrist
Internet sex stories have completely ruined the word sopping for me.
If it snows I'm just gonna sit at my house in my costume and drink beer by myself all night.
I just told a kid I was in a wheelchair because Santa shot me due to me being on the naughty list. You should have seen this little bastards face
You kept me hostage in your driveway until you got your point across that alaska has warm weather
just had Stella and stale goldfish for breakfast under the watchful eyes of an inflatable cactus and 5 llama pinatas. Cinco de mayo success!
They better not charge my debit card for what you peed on.
yyyea i think im gonna go get a bowl and play skyrim. And by bowl i mean something i can throw up in, not weed
Seriously. Are we going out tonight? If we're not, I'm going to put on sweatpants and do drugs.
Hooray! My email address wasn't leaked by Ashley Madison!
I will chop off your penis
She dated an Australian guy or some dude with an accent. Normal guys don't stand a chance.
CHALLENGE ACCEPTED.
That was my first party and they were so suprised that this little freshman girl was a FUCKING BEER PONG QUEEN.
roommate singing save a horse ride a cowboy wearing a cowboy hat a bikini and jeans while humping the couch.
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