Yeah...you.wanna.hang.out.tomorrow?My.space.button.is.broken.
I am at The Loft in SoNo, and there are two girls within arms reach that are making out with each other AGGRESIVELY. Like I can see 100% of a boob
For future reference, this is Trevors little sisters phone now. Trevs number is 484 XXX XXXX. Great story tho
No it wasn't her, this girl had both hands.
The parties out here are fucking awesome and I've got the grades to prove it.
the only muscles i have these days is kegels
I fed him pizza in bed. I'm probably the best one night stand ever.
If I were you I'd use my green card to do more coke and less talking
Well, I had a dudes gf walk in on us the next morning but nothing during...She shook my hand after I got dressed and said "nice to meet you with your clothes on" best moment of my life.
And then he said "if you were planning on bird feeding me that's not ok"
This message brought to you by inappropriate slogans. Cotton candy, melting in your mouth like boners.
I also point out to everyone that she looks like DJ's gf on Roseanne.
I asked him if we could switch positions so I could watch the Olympics... I'd say date number two is a miss
Have you ever looked death in the face and have the urge to shit yourself. I'm in that situation right now.
Uh I almost got the bride to go down on me. I'm the smoothest maid of honor ever.
I'm not 100 percent on this, but I think I just shit a lump of cement. What the fuck happened last night?
Randomize
