i don't know her name but she is cooking me brkfst then helpin me find my car.
she hot?
i don't wanna talk about it
you threw up in the bushes next to the ABC store and kept saying "you're home, blueberry vodka, you're home!"
Just saw a baby with a T-shirt that read "I am the result of my mother forgetting to take her magic pills". I can't believe they make shit like that.
Remind me tomorrow to take that ball-gag out of my purse.
I think I dropped my cock ring in your back yard
We're attempting to get a tally of how may people puked last night...Please respond with your vomit status.
I think I died last night. I had 14 beers..well 13 1/2 if you count the one that got spilled on the baby in the elevator.
It got messy; I did a shot of seamonkeys.
Not only is he in the circus, the man survived a near death experience and has an accent. She might as well have found a unicorn. This shit just doesn't happen in real life. Where did she meet this magical creature?
So I get to my parents and walk in the door so my mom knows I'm safe and alive and my grandpa looks at me and says "were you being someone's bitch". And I about died of laughter
Wow, he seems so solid
The bong is packed and it's taco Tuesday come over
I just bought emergency deodorant at Dominick's and put it on in front of a homeless man while waiting for the bus. He laughed and said 'girl, you a mess'. This is my life.
He was the only one not on Xanax so he holds the key to what actually happened last night
My drug dealer was just on ESPN..
i woke up fully clothed with teenage dream on repeat. something is wrong with me
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