have you facebook stalked him yet?
No, I don’t know his last name...
Just google his license plate numb
you dont publicly announce someones alcholism over facebook. you dont out someone like that.
he told me he once ran a blackmarket liquor store out of his house. thats all it took for me to go home with him
I went back up to the apartment to get her phone and when I came back she was peeing on the sidewalk
First drunken handjob: not successful. Second handjob, mostly sober: much better. Nightly news brought to you by me.
He came in like 30 seconds. That's how I know he hasn't been cheating on me while I've been gone
Also, the zoloft kicked in and I can't get an erection anymore. So I'm depressed.
He apologized for his naked psychotic episode and then we had goodbye sex on his sailboat
Um....sorry for hooking up with your brother last night...
Actually i take that back. You dropped the whiskey last night and broke the bottle. Were even
I want him to come over and snuggle with me but put a bag over his head. Is that rude?
It's not rude if you use a pillowcase that's softer.
Look, as a friend I'm asking to see a picture of his tiny dick
i mean, not my actual scene but if someone says "PARTY" ill figure it out
I found us a new booze connection and I'm writing college admissions essays. The future is bright.
I definitely don't have enough experience with hookers to be in this group text anymore.
He's completely obsessed with his ex but gives phenomenal head. So overall, yeah, good first date.
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