Dude, I couldnt get it up cause she said her parents were home...
ok, come over...I have doritos
do all gilrs hav hair on thier vagaina ?
Don't drive home.
i just realized i've been trying to levitate the potatoe chip out of her hand for the past ten minutes. i think i smoked to much.
Welp...herpes.
I was in my bathroom taking a shit and my mom just opened the door, walked in, handed me a fudgesicle, and left without saying a word. Yeah. That just happened.
I found him down the block clinging to a light post laughing and crying because a house "looked like it had buck teeth"
Where are you? I hear fireworks and you've gone missing. I'm sure that is not coincidence.
I think this shark week should consist of getting drunk enough to actually go hunt sharks ourselves.
AND ONCE AGAIN, MY VAGINA HAS STRUCK AGAIN. HER PLANS TO TAKE OVER MARYLAND ARE WELL ON THEIR WAY AS SHE CONTINUES TO ENGULF EVERY QUEER IN A 10 MILE RADIUS
a homeless man let us know that my friend was asleep in the bushes outside my house on main street. So just a small get together.
Also, do you have any insight as to WHY I have a note saved from the 17th of June that reads *clears throat*, "you got that swanky blues libido"
Just bought plan b at 8am. Then the cashier asked if I wanted to donate to the children's miracle network. Fml
You fist bumped my dick last night saying good game. That you'll be back for the 2nd game...
MDMA, margaritas, mashed potatoes and ice cream aren't keto Kristin
Nothing says hangover like being in the doctors office getting a tampon removed from deep inside
Randomize