My mom is wearing Ed Hardy. There aren't words.
Just got a call at work, I have to consent to a random drug and alcohol test by end of business day, if you arranged this it's the best/worst April fools prank ever.
the bathroom floor of the diner looks a lot different when you're not rolling around and puking on it.
No, "because my penis told me to" is not an acceptable answer to that question
Looking for the remote in the couch. Finding Adderall beads. Considering utilizing.
She just rubbed her face all over pool chalk. I feel like it's time to go
And for some reason I just want to have sex with EVERYTHING
THIS TIME TOMORROW MY VAG IS GONNA BE BRAND SPANKING NEW.
Make the kitchen floor stop waving. Im trying to lay on it
Koalas always seemed like really high little puppy kittens to me.
There is a couple fucking in the outback bathroom and at first I thought it was sick but than I remembered my Outback fantasy with you and decided I can't pass judgements.
The date did not go well. Turns out I once set her brother on fire.
Omg there's puke under my pillow. Clearly I puked and tried to hide it. From myself. \n
He bought me a bottle of Malibu. I think I could love this guy.
I've loved people for a lot less.
I'm sorry I get my lefts and rights confused because I'm dyslexic. But, it took you at least 15 minutes to figure out it wasn't your room OR YOUR HUSBAND.
Randomize
