There is something just so refreshing and wonderful about an uninterrupted morning poop in the office.
have u ever looked at the reflection of the water n watched the poop come out of u?
why can't you just be normal
i just heard one Asian kid say to another, "i bet if i could get into Harvard i could get laid all the time, my brother lost his virginity the first night there."
Today in psych we learned that you are a whore.
Me specifically?
Yep.
How is it I was the last to know everyone calls me tig ole bitties? Did y'all have a meeting about this that I wasn't invited to?
Unemployment check just came in. As soon as I stop pretending I have morals I'm buying weed. Puff puff pass uncle sam.
the thing I didn't realize I would miss about college is that at home you can't just dismiss your sex bruises as drunk accidents
Sometimes familiar penis is best. Its like comfort food for your vagina.
I can't drink with the moms anymore. All they talk about is lactating.
You were greeting everyone with " Hi I'm Jess show me your dick" whether they were dudes or not.
spring break - time to see if my two week detoxing gave my liver a chance to recover.
Naked chocolate chip pancake making. I just spilled mix all over the place. My boobs are covered in flour. This is not going well.
I went to a community college and majored in Bad Decisions. I'm not exactly a chick magnet.
it'll be like the notebook except for with way more of my penis
His weed is so good that I don't wanna risk loosing him as my weed man so I plan to keep him in the friend zone 😂
Randomize
