i'm sure there's a big cosmic reason for things working out the way they did. like, now you have awesome images to masturbate to.
you're kinda like the weird girl from The Breakfast Club after the makeover. i mean you're pretty, but you're still weird as fuck
phil was outside the bar last night, sitting on the ground playing songs on a guitar hero guitar to people walking by for money...best version of free bird ever
I don't get why Lindsay Lohan doesn't just blame her bad behavior on her twin sister from the Parent Trap. I mean nobodys seen her since.
dude uncooked spaghetti noodles dipped in thousand island dressing is better than it sounds
After we hooked up, he left the room and no one has seen him since last night. That kid redefined hit it and quit it.
He just said he was the Jesus of alcoholics.
i don't know. but im upstairs in the closet with a burger i found in their fridge
I stumbled in at 6am to find my cat in the window making a noise I've never heard her make. When I went to the window there was a goat outside staring at us.
Are you sure? Or did you just think there was a goat?
No there was a goat. I gave it a donut.
Its kind of weird knowing that im only seeing you that day to fuck in some woods
And then we were riding the keg in the pool like an 8 second rodeo...naked.
Life Lesson #1 of 2013: double-fisting shower beers and shaving my bikini line should be reserved for two different showers.
Who the fuck gets injured on a merry-go-round? HOW IS IT POSSIBLE??
I am the worst person to have nipple rings I'm hanging ornaments off of then and sending everyone a tits the season to be jolly
I woke up naked with a Jason mask on and a fat lip. What happened last night?
Randomize
