just caught my little brother jacking off the family pet
im six kinds of drunk right now
I made a mac n' cheesicle. Better in my head than in real life. Gonna keep smoking to see if it gets better.
Drunk roommate walked in on us and asked if we wanted to go eat a sandwich with her in the bathroom.
We had to coat check the pizza.
Midnight run for medical supplies ended several hours later with a lapdance to the Braveheart soundtrack.
Rachel and his cat watched us 69 last night. I pretended to be embarrassed the next day... But to be honest I like an audience
Im pretty sure at one point a very high you yelled, with actual tears in your eyes, "im not wrestling with you anymore, you dont respect my safe word!!"
This drunk girl wants you to know that I do actually like you. I'm not just using you for sex. I think you're cool.
So instead of asking me for my number, he asked for my dad's because he wanted to "thank the man that helped create those tits."
Want to get drunk and look at an xray of my dick?
So that groomsmen was naked under his kilt. Also I just had sex in the elevator. And yes, those two updates are definitely related.
Walking into her house she felt something in her bra.... It was a used condom. Sadly enough this is not the first or last time it will happen. It's time for an intervention.
You can have my vag. Its useless without you.
Just found a handle of Tito's in my TV stand
Can't recall when I put that there, but let's goooo
Randomize
