There were 3 chicks in my bed I didn't know when I got home. Now I know all of them. Biblically.
Considering that my ex-wife dumped me to become a lesbian, the Universe owes me a threesome.
I don't even know how sober sex starts anymore
There are many reasons why he shouldn't come over. And each one is longer than his penis.
i had a long naked conversation with the cop on why is everything fun illegal
I'm like a savant for remembering names I learned while I was drunk. Seriously, I'm three for three. I'm on a roll.
Am I a bad person for getting my ex to DD me and a random hookup home last night?
this could be the second dad I've smoked weed with
i projectile vomited shoeless at 7:30 a.m. in a taco bell parking lot. never again.
I should come with a warning like "do not feed me tequila or cocaine, I will ruin the party and cry"
The power of my boobs compel you
Me and mom just bonded over our mutual desire to bang Mark Ruffalo. I'm not sure how to feel about this.
Turns out he's just a recently divorced IT guy. Not a wizard.
I'd have to have a ring. Like I don't want to be called "the ex girlfriend that shit on me"
I thought I was drunk because I kept grabbing his arm instead of his dick
But then I realized it wasn’t his arm and that I was very lucky
Randomize
