Gonna be late. Someone jumped in front of our train.
Whoa!!! Accidentally took a dump in chick's bathroom at Red Robin. 1 hr for coast to be clear. Women's farts sound like geese taking last breath. Liars.
she had a my little ponys comforter. i left when she went to the bathroom
Want to come to my BBQ and Blow party?
Just hit on a fat chick so shed buy me a drink. Then i walked away. Nice to see how the other half lives.
She needs to learn she only fits into our friendship as a DD.
Make sure to show her the sewer we were arrested in on your tour.
Pulling over on the side of the road to set off fireworks was the worst idea you have ever had. I don't care if it was called a friendship pagoda.
Can I just say I love that you have a kegorator on your wedding registry?
For sure. I'm slow cooking a 6 pound pork shoulder wrapped in bacon. If that doesn't scream "guys I'm going into culinary arts lets get drunk" I'm not sure what does.
I'm pretty sure NORMAL roommates don't have to hide each others sex toys from their fuck buddies.
Now: to brush my teeth, put on my grandma slippers and earplugs, masturbate to 50 Shades and then PTFO
It's not my fault you decided to fall in love with a Frodo Baggins lookalike
He nicknamed his dick "the fountain of youth" I think it's time to move on...
Stacy was in the bathroom puking, so he peed out the window. We were eight stories up.
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