i just snorted my name. best moment ever
You SHOULD feel empty, we were at the top of our game, and by that i mean snorting things we don't understand and only a few steps away from adultery.
I feel like a squirrel prepping for the winter on dollar beer nights.
He's like a perfect storm of amazing hair and horrible judgment.
Drank a fosters this weekend and last weekend. Listening to down under 5 times a day. Spent 100 dollars on a sleeveless men at work shirt circa 1983. We don't leave for another 5 weeks. I call it pregaming.
Girl at work pointed out that the blood vessels around my eyes were all popped and I smell like puke
There's nothing worse than carrying your fairy crown and wings home wearing fishnets
It was technically 11... But I go by McDonald's time, if they aren't servin breakfast, it's the afternoon. Therefore I can drink
About to throw up, bathroom line up, Bro sees me. Yells, 'PUKER GET OUT OF WAY' THEY ALL PARTED WAY THREW ME INTO A STALL AND CHEERED AS I THREW UP INTO THE TOILET. we are going back
I just accepted my offer to work as a camp counselor over the phone between shots of Fireball. This is going well for me so far.
the only thing she has in her apt so far is toilet paper and shot glasses. you can see where the priorities lie.
Can you repeat that, but with context?
So I got a text from him saying "jacking off...thinking of you" I think I'm going to get a restraining order
You're my best friend, so I'm kinda scared to say this, but.....I kinda feel odd when I show up with you at your family events and I have banged or blown at least 3 people in the room
Remember when you laughed that I downloaded a “fireplace” station on my Roku? I just woke up butt naked on my couch with my fireplace station playing. So there, guess that shows you. Now excuse me while I go back to sleep in front of my fireplace.
Randomize
