I love you!
You're insane
Fuckin crazy man! Seriously though I think if you would have me I honestly seriously think about marrying u!
Alright now lets video chat so I can xshow u my dick! Hahahaha
Best walk of shame ever - Brown Hennesy shirt, bright blue overly large basketball shorts, stilettos from night before - ended up buying a ton of 40's and a 30 pack of coors.
Where are you?
A place I should not be.
I just found out I have a small penis.
Couldn't you tell by how you've NEVER had a girlfriend?
Change your flight to Denver. That's where my penis is.
just saw an anti-abortion rally outside of the courthouse...so naturally i tossed them out a coat hanger i found in my car
and she was grinding on the wall, purring at guys she liked at the pregame...
Wake up, take the dog to the trails, puke in the woods. More days should start like this.
If you wanna be a real wingman, create some insecurity and comment on that pic of all the hot girls with "Id do every girl in this pic.. except the fat one".
The girl in the hotel room next to us walked out at the same time as me this morning. She just shook her head, looked at me and said, "faker." Is it that easy to tell?!??
You did it first. I was merely expressing my support for you, by pressing my testicles against a window.
I slept through 4/20 and my roommates bought an entire ham that's just sitting in the fridge...
But I don't wanna live with them bc I need to be able to walk around naked and sex on any surface guilt free.
I almost had a threesome in a giant beanbag chair. I love college.
Okay, the good news, found Jared, all IDs accounted for, Jack is meeting us at yours with your requested the delivery. The bad news: Lost Alice, banned from Stages, possibly fucked my TA in the bathroom.
Is it too forward if I ask him to bring a condom when he comes over to work on our project?
Randomize
