sunday morning discovery: something purple, smelly, and sticky my hair. any suggestions?
my mom just texted me to let me know that Hooters is hiring
i wish my mom had big dreams like that for me
Lost is over, my longest committed relationship is coming to an end.
I had to call maintenance to come unclog the toilet.
Something to remember me by.
3 girls crying in the bathroom at the bar. Its like a Christmas song
Which is scary since we both think with our vaginas
i have officially banned the recreational use of bayonets.
So the next three days will be henceforth known as the 'celebration of the end of the most irresponsible years of my life' be prepared to wake up naked in a ditch.
Made it to my hair appointment on time, and got some dick. Today is already a great day
Black magic does not go near my vagina, it's a rule
I'm wearing a fleece onesie eating pop tarts on the train to work. Killing it.
I've got 3 hot dudes surrounding me. It's the Bermudick Triangle.
Every Easter every single one the baby Jesus butt plug comes up
While she was pissing on the neighbors shrubs, they threatened to call the cops...she mumbled 'don't threaten me with a good time", so to answer your question, yes she was drunk.
New life goal: Sex in a parking lot surrounded by a circle of fire.
Randomize
