Did you call me this morning? I was really drugged up and don't remember.
Have a good day. My vagina shrank.
Just turned elections for the sorority into a drinking game. Right on.
Managed to convince my mom that I had been home for 3 hours sleeping on the couch downstairs and this t-shirt was your dads. I am SUCH a fucking boss.
oh god all I remember is forward rolls down the corridor and all I have to show for it is "fit Romanian guy" saved in my phone
I'd be there a lot sooner if these damn stairs would stop moving.
Blow job bear ended up in my bed last night. She didn't live up to her costume.
Tell me you didn't really piss in the hookah.
Fuck that. I will get OUT of CONTROL And rise from a hangover on Sunday like Jesus himself.
had a dream you helped me fill my shoes with yogurt. we were even like "why didn't we think of this before?!" like it was just so obvious
that sounds like something we'd do... we're onto something here
my only goal for the semester is never go to my wednesday class sober
How fast can you get here?\nI need to ride your cock into the sunset.
I just wanna suck his dick on my balcony ya know
Congrats you've received dick pics from an Olympic silver medalist
Our relationship revolved around Taylor Swift albums. It's no wonder it ended so fast
We met behind our asshole boss's back with the intent to oust him from the company. If this revolution is a success, bring nachoes.
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