its like whenever the snow comes all the hott girls drop out of school. where are they
I don't care what you say, cheap wine does NOT taste better in expensive crystal...
i'm sitting pantsless eating potato chips and watching porn before he picks me up for our date. I hope he's ready for this...
I told her that I thought she needed an oral mammogram. With me being pre-med she bought it.
Can we go to Home Depot next week? Drunk Kim broke my toilet with a hammer.
People spilled so much that there was a thin film of beer on the floor. You took a running start, screamed, "SLIP AND SLIDE!" and slid face first through the drywall.
Well we're either getting a bunny or I'm getting you pregnant in about 12 days.
When you are old and getting humped by saggy balls every other weekend you are gonna wish you had more sex with freshly legal boys. Your vagina will thank you one day. Don't let her down.
I should have bailed a long time ago. I mean, he has a bible verse-a-day app next to his dick pics in his phone.
Send me a pic of your kids to remind me why I have morals.
She just asked to come over. She's either going to bring one of her dads guns and kill me or we're going to end up having insane lesbian sex.
I'm armed with nothing but $4 lip gloss gum and my phone. Ready to take on the fucking world.
You're emotionally mature, right? I said you were.
I have at least four things in my line of sight that have Kermit the Frog on them in my dorm. Does that answer your question?
Such a big mess for such a small penis
How was I supposed to know the accent was fake before i slept with him
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