I wish I only lived at night.
WTF YOU HAVE A GIRLFRIEND?
Oh yeah that.
I'd like to personally thank you for not letting anyone puke in any of the salad bowls this time
I had to physically hold you down to stop you from going out the window naked. You put up quit the struggle.
nothing like smoking out of your roommate's bong with your mom to celebrate the rising of christ
he is risen halelujah
I apologize for violently hooking up with her in front of you in the jacuzzi last night.
dude when I get home wanna help me fulfill my dream of smoking a bowl out of my saxophone?
After a long night of drunk sexting I have to the ninja roll at the front door to see who showed up.
My sugar daddy is a bigger asshole than i am. What's wrong here?
I spent a good part of the night in a bear hat claiming I'd changed spieces
last night we were hooking up when all the sudden he just murmured "mm blonde". i don't know what to think about this situation.
you kept saying how you wanted to mainline bacardi right into your bloodstream. medical school is doing wonderful things to your brain
I'm sure there are thousands getting dick today in the name of independence
"This must be what Jayden Smith feels like all the time"
But really, someone with a penis give me attention before I start posting nudes on Instagram.
Randomize
