I'm sorry I'm just not ready to become vampire yet
The only good thing about ohio is that i can get 2 half gallons of soco for 40 bucks
While at warped tour today a girl was crowd surfing and her vagina landed in my face, I call that a successfull day.
I never thought I'd say this but my vagina is taking a serious break for awhile
I just picked up my chili cheese fries off the ground ate them, and then licked up the cheese that was still on the concrete. Thank you Jagerbombs
I'm very fluent in vodka, but that seems to be a whiskey dialect.
Will you please bring your dog over today? Apparently I was drunkenly cooking last night. There's food everywhere. I'm too hungover to clean.
Hangover or death. Death. I'll have a slice of death please.
If you're staying here tonight, you need to promise me you won't make another bonfire in the lounge room. My girl is still pissed about that.
I just watched my mom get dick on Skype.
That d should have definitely been an s.
Hold your horses dude. Titty pics are a work of art.
so getting blacked out last night has made my lips so beautifully red for pictures today... and they say nothing good comes from alcohol
I don't know where I'm at. But I'm pretty sure what I'm looking at is a small bear.
I gave him breakup sex, AGAIN
You were up on table in a neon bra chanting "YOUR MOM" while drizzling vodka on your chest...
no wonder i woke up with my boobs stuck to my bra
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