They totally botched my boob job. My tits look like they're are winking.
WIFE SWAP. FAMILY OF MIDGETS. LIFETIME. NOW.
Part of my whole not being a slut anymore involves not giving other peoples boyfriends blowjobs
I should have but it might be too early in this fuckbuddyship to emasculate him
All that matters is I got the megaphone home safely
I'm watching i used to be fat. I've been doing crunches for the last half hour yelling at the slut on tv to stop crying and do crunches.
I've known you for the past two years. You never kid about biology or alcohol.
I mean technically the bite was both in my nose and on the outside of it. I thought I was going to need stitches or something.
Why was his mouth around your nose anyways?
It was just one of those nights, man.
Too stoned. Randomly can't get the image of Emilio estevez's smiling face out of my head. What is life.
I'm beginning a new chapter of my life in which our fridge will always be stocked with jello shots. I'm excited to embark down this road to fruity, semi-solid alcoholism.
Sigh. I haven't seen a dick since August 22nd. And in case you forgot, it's January.
Just zoned back in to real life and found myself chanting "noodle eater noodle eater noodle eater" at my parrot as he devoured a single macaroni
I made out with my moms boyfriends son last night. Thanksgiving is gonna be reeeal fun!
I broke another vibrator the other day. Abstinence is not for me.
You know the rule about how you feel bad for getting food and not offering other people you're around, does that apply when you eat burger king at a strip club?
Randomize
