it was the worst sex ever in the history of sex. i mean ever. and he thought he was great. actually told me he was the best id ever had...what was i supposed to say? lol...i've had better times by myself. seriously.
Really? You have stories that rival having a threesome with the two best friends of the guy your kinda seeing? Thats impressive.
He can't get past my hymen. At least that's what he said it feels like.
cell reception changed and I can no longer text you from the toilet... that means I'll be texting you less often, just fyi
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Try not to bring up the fact that I woke up and couldn't find my pants... He might get the wrong idea.
..and it was like all of a sudden I could hear the sounds my brain was making
So recap time do u remember biting that girls hand?
K, so let's go ahead and say that mcnugget and margarita Tuesday was a bad idea
I left after my shirt got dropped in the toilet thinking that there was absolutely no good that could happen the rest of the evening. I hear I was very wrong.
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There were four people in the car. The girls sure know how to blow. I think we almost crashed when the driver climaxed.
Lmfao I'm not trying to have a pissing contest over acid with my mom.....
I pulled up iMessage on my computer and I'm pretty sure two people in my class saw that dick pic you sent. Sorry!
Why would you get kicked out?
Well, an overweight man is currently not wearing a shirt. Or pants. And is getting in touch with his inner Chippendale. You can probably fill in the blanks.
I lost my wolf penis dildo in my garage. I should probably find it before I resume my garage sale tomorrow...
so i fell out of a tree on the ave last night. someone told me there was alcohol at the top. bastards.
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