Im listening to a jazz version of dick in a box.
they thought it would be fun to get out their yearbook and see who hooked up with the most guys..I won...I don't even go to the same school
i think i have herpe
just one?
It was literally like being eaten out by a dog. That bad.
He went into the alley to piss and came back a minute later with a case of Bud Select. I'm speechless.
Edward fifth and chaser hands
Every single item that was in my fridge is now in my hot tub. Please help
do you know where my other puke covered boot is
We play beat the clock every morning. When the alarm goes off, she hits snooze and drops her panties. If I can't finish in time to beat the snooze, she jumps in the shower and I've gotta jerk off.
Hi, my name is Ashslay and I'll be your designated shitshow.
Never let a one night stand shower at your place. My razor, lotion, and brush disappeared. #girlcode
I want to be a supportive friend to her, but I also want to sleep with her ex now that he's single.
Apparently I drunkenly agreed to help the homeless. For once, I'm not disappointed in drunk me. Four for you, drunk self. You go, drunk self!
You're like the Miss Manners of anonymous gay sex.
He is farting the alphabet right now. In the goddamned restaurant. You don't get to recommend men anymore. Or restaurants for that matter.
Randomize
