let me put it this way. im never saying "join in or get out" again unless i know whos in the room.
through my window right now you can see the hot chick next door is standing BUTT ASS NAKED eating peanut butter off a knife.
ill be there in 5.
THEY HAVE A VOMIT TROUGH.
What?
A TROUGH FOR VOMIT.
If we both stop thinking about your penis for just a moment, we'd realize it is important and good that you are spending quality time with your family
The forest. Magic mushrooms. Wind trees leaves sky. That is alll.
You just handed me your ATM card and wrote your PIN number on a dollar bill and said "for bail money."
He makes this seasoned whore feel like a novice. I've met the one.
I feel like an ass. I'm not blacking out ever again. I want to clean your feet for a year. Just like Jesus did.
Apple should advertise that their phones are puke-proof. They would appeal to a whole new audience.
You had me at "mimosas" several texts ago.
Why even have a ground level apt if you're not gonna let me climb out the window? I hate walk of shaming in front of toddlers...
My phone autocorrected "shhhhh" to "AHHHHHHHHH" and I feel like that says a lot about my life
We were drunk waiting for tacos and I gave him a handy in the back of the Uber while giving the driver relationship advice. I think I'm handling the whole grad school thing alright.
Can't meet up at the party. Gary was caught by the cops attempting to drop a deuce thru his ex wife's Subaru via sun roof. Details as soon as bail is processed.
oh and i figured out why we kept smelling vomit. ive got vomit on my socks. putting the heater on my feet was not the best of ideas.
Randomize
