can't decide if i want to get drunk or coked for this harry potter thing.. it is kind of long
aren't you going with children?
Hey babe, chan wants you to stop texting her about the size of TJ's dick. please.
That can be our thanksgiving, vodka and cornbread. Just like the pilgrims.
How many times a week can a couple have a threesome with the same guy before it becomes some sort of 3-way relationship?
When she talks to me all I hear are 5 generations of inbreeding speaking.
I just got a mental picture of us having sex in a trash can.
library dates and plan B? He is looking like a great catch.
I truly just stopped puking in my 730 am calculus class, looked up, corrected my professor, then resumed puking my eyes out. He was both impressed and disgusted.
Just got into a fight with a trashcan, today is obviously not going to be my day.
Your life is one shit show away from being a lifetime movie.
My kid just put flowers in my hair to make me pretty, then showed my boobs to an entire playground. He's either the best wingman or the worst.
he just fluffed my hair and told me I had to dance with him because we were both gingers.
Fly, little bird! Repopulate the ginger race!
someone just "made it rain" kraft processed sliced cheese. i forgot what it was like to be home...
HAMMERED.. I made a peanut butter and jelly sandwich with toilet paper instead of bread...
Had a very good bday. Have the teeth marks and bruises to prove it
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