You're mentally unstable and I would hate to be you
so I told him I hadn't been laid since Bush was president. Right after he cums, he says "Welcome to the Obama Administration".
I'm drunk enough to talk Barbara Walters outta her panties
I wish a night of watching Dear John and a bottle of wine could cure my herpes.
For using a life jacket as a pillow, I slept pretty good last night...
On a side note I think I burnt my eyebrow when we "teter-totered" into the fire
I don't care how high you are, you can't finger me while eating potato chips.
Yea. I couldn't get a job in fast food but I can teach Americas youth. The future looks great
Currently getting "blaow" buzzed into my pubes. How's your thursday?
Just come get me. Somewhere there's hobo that's going to want his dumpster back, and I kinda want to be gone when he discovers the vomit.
in the future when you find clothing in your street, just assume it's mine.
His grandpa picked him up. Brought him to the house. And made him clean the puke off the driveway with a broom and a bucket of water.
Drunk yet?
Well I just did the worm on an empty dance floor while the bridesmaids were serving cake. You tell me.
So drunk I thought the door was feeling me up for a seconds
What's an appropriate gift to bring to my boyfriend's wife's baby shower?
Shame?
Randomize
