Why did you take off so early
No more beer. And also. Threesome. Maybe. Ill let you know.
if it walks like a guido and talks like a guido, i'm gonna fuck it.
I found a vibrator in my car and it's not mine...this is becoming a weird day.
I'm sitting in the middle of them on his bed, forcing them to watch Brokeback Mountain. I am the best cock blocker ever.
They don't allow McDonald's in the ER. Go figure
Straight guys just can't stay away. My penis must have pheromones or something.
WAKE UP!!! We have 20 minutes to get to class. That means we only have 10 minutes to get drunk.
my last search of the night was "the physics of green eggs and ham" what the fuck
You kept saying "this bitch", mumbled incoherently for like 5 minutes, took a shot, and kept going.
Also I've come to learn that "type" and "fetish" are different things. Apologies for earlier confusion.
I feel like I got hit by a truck. And I vaguely remember getting into an argument with a passive aggressive Ron Burgundy in a onesie- grown man, not a baby- about the pronunciation of New Orleans
Philosophical question for you: is it better to go into work slightly drunk or slightly coked out?
Who is this? I have a text from you last night telling me your name and to train hard for Tuesday, please make this make sense
I apparently lifted the young child over my head yelling "Victory!" after that last game of pool, right before doing some Girls Just Wanna Have Fun karaoke.
You know you're drunk when you have to be picked up out of a bathtub.
Randomize
