Reminder- he's a douche bag. A big one.
I was in the bathroom and her cat just looked at my penis with a profound hatred.
Professor used "ROFL" while grading my paper... Do I even go to a real college?
This is much more drunk than i was intending for a wednesday
I am paying my roommate as much of the electric bill in pennies as possible because I hate her.
I'm like 99% sure I made out with Kevin Spacey last night. Not good.
She's making tacos & sangria tonight. I'm sure that's how the pilgrims pregamed.
Totally just locked myself outside of my house, in my robe, with the fedex man and a box of sex toys. Not my week.
We learned a lot about one another. I showed him around the town I grew up in and he informed me that he has had a threesome and killed a cat
i just keep picturing us drunk surrounded by kittens.
The best, and by the best I mean the worst, was the 7 month along pregnant chick in the skin tight body suit.
Dressing as mugato from zoolander Halloween you may want to be the hand model. We can get you a fish bowl filled with Clementine Vodka and soda you can put your hand in.
You will bone me until my eyeballs fall out. This is not a request.
IT WAS JUST SO LITTLE AND AWKWARDLY FLOPPING BACK AND FORTH
You'll love it there. Trust me. Cheap tequila, pretentious beer, tall white guys who will treat you badly. Its got everything you like.
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