Y do pigs give u trufles on farmville? I WANT BACON YOU FUCKING PIG!
Just saw a guy wearing pink jeans and i bet he's straight. Fuck 2009.
whats the proper etiquette for returning a closet door to a random girl you met and do not know her name?
No big deal, we were just two friends having sex. It's perfectly normal we don't remember. Water under the sex bridge,
You should make it a point to use vocabulary that is competition appropriate around him, like "champion" and "training" and "victory sex"
Ok, I have three hours. I'm trying to work out two blow jobs and a taco.
I think my hookup is starting to fall for me. Time to break his heart.
This cabbie knows where I live. Both awesome and weird.
Tell me again why I left before the topless cake fight
Super awkward when the coworker you made out with in exchange for molly last weekend keeps coming over to your cube and trying to talk to you
He should just accept that I want his dick and his friendship. Can't he understand that I don't do emotions?
I should not be this drunk in a place where a girl is wearing a princess dress
The last person that asked me out got pushed down an escalator
How many times have you told me to call 911 this week?
Lol twice
i think she learned that just cuz half shots were easier, doesnt mean she can have triple as many.
Randomize
