So I decided to put different foods on my dick to see which would feel the best
and??
Cake is only good when you eat it
i was sitting in the back seat of her car with her boyfriend while she was driving. it was pretty awkward, but i dont think "so my dick's been in your girl's mouth too" was a good ice breaker
Thought you might like this. Had a dance off with an andy bernard look alike and pissed my bed. All in one night.
im at that stage where all she has to do is cough or something and it pisses me off
Well someone has to be the Christmas slut at the family dinner. I suppose it's my year to fill those shoes.
I can trace it back to that drunken night where we peed on each other in the shower.
I lost count after the 4th body shot but I think I'm wearing at least 3 different peoples clothes.
I feel like if you're funneling natty lights on a Wednesday at 2:30pm at the apartment complex pool during finals week, you probably don't have your priorities straight.
I just remembered you throwing bread at me and getting me to drink water out of a heineken bottle. You are my best friend.
The fact that it was "anything but a cup" now explains the cowboy boots and fishbowl aftermath at the apartment.
It was all fun and games until she said "you're so pretty I wanna punch you in the face" and the proceeded to punch her in the face
Someone should make a valentines day card that says "I like the way you continuously consume thc with no concept of a limit other than drug supply" Because I'd send that to you.
Well as if this year didn't suck enough already, I can now count 2015 as the year I got chlamydia
I just want you to know you're the worst sister ever.
If this is about me and your ex, it's not my fault she doesn't like men.
There are twenty eight units in that building. There has to be at least one heterosexual in it. You can't have fucked your way through all of it.
Randomize
