Ugh, here's a dating tip. Hairy legs are a major turn off
He sent me a video of himself jacking off. I am not kidding.
WTF??? Isn't he married??
Yeah but his wife is at a birthday party and I guess he's bored. LOL
Why do you proceed to call me "Queen La Queefah?"
New beer pong partner names "Bus Boys" ... We clear tables
He said my labia gave my vagina a "cute personality"
This is a pre-sorry for hitting on and then sleeping with you're ex
He's coming over, and I hope he doesn't get hungry. I'm sure its not proper protocol to bring one booty call to another booty call's house for the munchies.
I want a bunch of melted cheese. or a penis. or a penis covered in melted cheese
We should give each other good-luck-on-your-finals head in the morning.
Does it count as working out if stops are taken every half hour to smoke a blunt?
I fell into his fridge. I want to leave.
Apparently he walked into the room and started yelling at some huge hairy dude to get out of my room. Except it wasn't my room... Because he was on the fourth floor.
If you had been home 20 minutes ago, you probably would've caught me masturbating, so it might be for the best.
You got stoned and bought $300 worth of pudding. Again! Why do YOU think she left you?
Oh shit that's not good dude. I'd head straight for Williamsport hospital the first ingredient in that shit is lithium batteries. You don't want to know what the second one is
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