I had a dream last night that Anthony Bourdain gave me a vibrator.
whatcha mean you cant get rid of genital warts? thats not what my girlfriend says
Do you think he likes his girlfriend's moustache?
Clearly I made an impression.
Or at least your vagina did.
She fucking ripped my chandelier out of my ceiling. How does that make her a keeper?
As for the 14 hours of vodka. I am all that is man.
Like do you realize his dealer came out with a gun and we laughed like it was all just fun and games...
I think we can all agree that the size of her boobs, combined with beer, is destroying my ability to judge looks.
First sunburned tits of the season. And it's only April... I feel like it's going to be a good summer.
Drove by a cop already pulling someone over and toasted him with my bong
It's 4 in the afternoon........
There is what appears to be urine on the woman's bathroom sink. I just have so many questions right now.
FYI the blow job was for papa johns pizza
I regret 8000% nothing
STOP GETTING GIRLS PREGNANT IN MY BED.
I pay 3K a month for rent, yet last nite I broke into the back of my building, scaled over 2 tons of garbage in heels and took a dirty freight elevator to my floor just so my doorman wouldn't see how fucked up I was
U know ur prob on camera right?
I know you want to take a pregnancy test, but could you wait until Sunday so it doesn't ruin our weekend
Randomize