Texts From Last Night · Random Texts

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(817): View more from Texas

She told me she only masterbates to Kenny Rogers songs.

(1-817): View more from Texas

OMG. What did u say?

(817): View more from Texas

I told her I did too.

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(817): She told me she only masterbates to Kenny Rogers songs. (1-817): OMG. What did u say? (817): I told her I did too. http://tfl.nu/dz5w

Replies (11) Good night (1188) Bad night (550)
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(312): View more from Illinois

Who would have guessed that ordering a vodka lemonade at Roscoe's was code for I want a hand job

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(312): Who would have guessed that ordering a vodka lemonade at Roscoe's was code for I want a hand job http://tfl.nu/iix6

Replies (27) Good night (4984) Bad night (585)
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(602): View more from Arizona

I just woke up to me licking the dognuts

(623): View more from Arizona

You mean Doughnuts?

(602): View more from Arizona

......No :(

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(602): I just woke up to me licking the dognuts (623): You mean Doughnuts? (602): ......No :( http://tfl.nu/8azm

Replies (50) Good night (1288) Bad night (17332)
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(917): View more from New York City

He kept yelling "osteoporosis" and threw milk at her because she broke her arm.

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(917): He kept yelling "osteoporosis" and threw milk at her because she broke her arm. http://tfl.nu/al4b

Replies (8) Good night (7067) Bad night (1301)
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(304): View more from West Virginia

He was going down on me and raised up for a minute, slipped and punched me in the face. My lady boner left immediately.

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(304): He was going down on me and raised up for a minute, slipped and punched me in the face. My lady boner left immediately. http://tfl.nu/s0gm

Replies (25) Good night (858) Bad night (4379)
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(360): View more from Washington

Had a drag queen carry me to the car. So I'm told...

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(360): Had a drag queen carry me to the car. So I'm told... http://tfl.nu/tfwr

Replies (6) Good night (2444) Bad night (894)
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(806): View more from Texas

Seriously why is the deadbolt locked. This is the second time I'm having to sleep on the porch using my boots as my pillow. I can't wait till the next time your drunk.

(1-806): View more from Texas

Shhh, I'm sleeping. Just let it happen Jess.

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(806): Seriously why is the deadbolt locked. This is the second time I'm having to sleep on the porch using my boots as my pillow. I can't wait till the next time your drunk. (1-806): Shhh, I'm sleeping. Just let it happen Jess. http://tfl.nu/c175

Replies (15) Good night (2488) Bad night (1088)
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(262): View more from Wisconsin

Good call on the strip club last night. Everytime i smell some flowery candle or air freshener I get transported back to having my face firmly planted in Riah and Desire's tits.

(414): View more from Wisconsin

You're welcome.

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(262): Good call on the strip club last night. Everytime i smell some flowery candle or air freshener I get transported back to having my face firmly planted in Riah and Desire's tits. (414): You're welcome. http://tfl.nu/kntv

Replies (9) Good night (2066) Bad night (1022)
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(817): View more from Texas

I would have screamed and cried and bled and shit and then died. Fuck that guy.

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(817): I would have screamed and cried and bled and shit and then died. Fuck that guy. http://tfl.nu/7tra

Replies (21) Good night (548) Bad night (1528)
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(443): View more from Maryland

I knew it would be a shit show so I just went ahead and took plan b before I even got there. How's that for responsible?

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(443): I knew it would be a shit show so I just went ahead and took plan b before I even got there. How's that for responsible? http://tfl.nu/lb2v

Replies (19) Good night (692) Bad night (1106)
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(360): View more from Washington

I'm definitely going to class still drunk right now and the freshman dressed as Hugh Heffner last night is texting me. I can't handle this.

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(360): I'm definitely going to class still drunk right now and the freshman dressed as Hugh Heffner last night is texting me. I can't handle this. http://tfl.nu/abfh

Replies (2) Good night (527) Bad night (436)
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(253): View more from Washington

He woke me up at 5am to recite nursery rhymes to our fictitious unborn child.

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(253): He woke me up at 5am to recite nursery rhymes to our fictitious unborn child. http://tfl.nu/jtoq

Replies (3) Good night (366) Bad night (1003)
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(360): View more from Washington

I just had the weirdest moment. Made eye contact at the bar with a girl who has seen my vagina.

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(360): I just had the weirdest moment. Made eye contact at the bar with a girl who has seen my vagina. http://tfl.nu/nx7q

Replies (12) Good night (755) Bad night (386)
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(541): View more from Oregon

So... Really random... You know we only exist cause Dad misspelled 'perseverance', right?

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(541): So... Really random... You know we only exist cause Dad misspelled 'perseverance', right? http://tfl.nu/c92i

Replies (3) Good night (457) Bad night (516)
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(662): View more from Mississippi

You should have heard my farts after he left. I swear one of them was a demonic voice saying, "It's coming for you, Nicole. It's coming,".

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(662): You should have heard my farts after he left. I swear one of them was a demonic voice saying, "It's coming for you, Nicole. It's coming,". http://tfl.nu/dg58

Replies (8) Good night (455) Bad night (675)

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