Grossest hangover story of 09: Puked in the bathtub. I was in it.
i also saw a trio of peacocks walking along a sidewalk in hollywood today. i really hope im not tripping.
Awkward medical moment of the day: A very obese girl with a disorder that literally makes her hit herself punched herself in the face. Literally. While screaming 'MCDONALDS MONEY'. Right. Beside. Me.
why do they call them blowjobs? ....unless i'm doing it wrong?
23 Roommates Share Secrets Their Roomie Thinks They Don’t Know
My birth control alarm just woke me up from my dream where I was pregnant. Thank god.
She told me she cured her bulemia by popping hydrocodone after she ate. that way she would be rewarded for not puking. I like the way she thinks
we just plugged the camera up to the big screen. would you like to come see what you did last night, in high definition?
Found a beard hair in my crotch.... care to explain?
Bitch looked at my dick and said "I thought they called you horsecock, I'm already disappointed"
I told you that line would get her home never said it was a good idea
29 Cringeworthy Situations People Realized They Shouldn’t Be In
They're having lesbian sex while I play super mario world. I hope they like the music
Watching the wiggles while tripping on acid is the scariest fucking thing of all time
I was like kind of drunk but mostly just very enthusiastic about beyonce
I've got enough liquor to do one of two things on Friday: 1.) Drink myself into a coma or 2.) lay in bed a drunk and cry lonely mess. Happy Valentines Day.
Operation terrify all men while simultaneously make them fall in love with me is going quite swimmingly so far
ill be home in an hour. Be in my bed ready for disappointment
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