im about as happy as oj after his trial
I wonder if there will ever be a day where I don't find lisps really really hilarious.
He is the Donovan McNabb of stuff up his ass. Tell me that tomorrow. Too high to remember.
im gonna make a bucket list just so i can cross off "underwater blowjob"
25 Of The Most Cringeworthy Internet Stalking Fails
You want to move to a city because of their promotional beer pricing
This is why you shouldn't make decisions
dont call me baby and dont touch my ears. ITS ALL I ASK
I'm not sure which is more depressing, the fact that the hospital is making me put together a living will before surgery, or that all i'll be leaving behind is 25k in student loan debt
If I wake up with an unknown penis in me one more time I am literally going to press charges to the makers of tequila.
So... Sorry I threw that watermelon at you the other day. I didn't think it would break any bones.
21 People Who Barely Escaped Death
Maybe if more guys knew my pillowtalk occasionally includes me scribbling notebook diagrams of cell signalling pathways, I'd get laid more often
If you can get her to make out with you without paying for it, I will personally make you president of the american lesbian league
Worrying about "What smells like cat pee?" is so much easier than worrying about "What am I doing with my life?"
Let's play "Guess What I Just Found In My Vagina?"
After this week, alcohol is mandatory.
If you fuck up my birthday by dying I will kick your fucking corpse.