I just realized that my mother and I have the same favorite sex position, Guess which one!
OMG! Ew.
Lucky Dad.
I hope you're ready because I look like an elf on crack had a baby in the medieval era and that baby grew up to be a whore
If I've learned one thing today? Blow jobs get you to state championships.
Alright. Who did it? Who's bangin' the ump?
I was so high last night. I wrote a poem about my salt shaker
Mmmhmmm sure, nice try, but there's certain wounds that only bj's can heal
When he texted me, I got a little wet. Until he asked me to get Jimmy Johns before I got to his house.
Dropping acid was like seeing the whole world as a blank canvas to imagine anything I wanted.
And apparently all you wanted was to watch the sun explode and me take 60,000 dicks to the face.
Did you send me a snapchat of your sister triple kissing two other girls?!!! You might be the greatest friend the world ever made
Dude, my ex girlfriend showed up, bought me a tequila shot, made out with me and then disappeared into the night. Then her current girlfriend saw, so she came over and slapped me and then I made out with her too
This was before halftime
I RUINED A LESBIAN RELATIONSHIP BEFORE HALFTIME
So, I actually said the words "but face tattoos are sexy"
I'm pretty sure I went in the girls bathroom and vomited everywhere then looked for a urinal for like 20 minutes
Yeah that stuff was rough. We insisted on wearing our bikinis all down college ave, and at several parties that were not beach themed
She was going down on me before I had a chance to tell her I arrested her brother 3 hours earlier
Gave a guy a blowjob in a convent. Place in hell is now secured...
he was just sitting there in his underwear... and his chewbacca mask...
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