saw my dad's penis on the x-ray last night. at least his hip wasn't broken
did you seriously just ask me if there is such thing as a sophisticated batman shirt?
Doing "bucket stands" with buckets of margarita. Don't tell me it's not a good idea.
I feel as if I owe my bloodstream some tequila.
We had sex in the woods. It was great until some bird started mimicking my orgasm sounds
I will never try to masturbate with americas funniest home videos playing in the background ever again
honestly, i just want you to have sex with him too so that you can fully understand my appreciation of his dick as well.
Well his dad was his wingman, so I had to fuck him. I didnt want his dad to think that he was doing a bad job and I was drunk enough to think he was doing a good job.
Score one for dad.
You just sat there for two solid hours staring at your monitor and every five minutes screamed "LEGOOOOOS"
But I mean how many guys can say they get blow jobs and grilled cheese with football
I'm gonna take a crap in the portashitter like a civilized human being.
Uh I almost got the bride to go down on me. I'm the smoothest maid of honor ever.
You can say goodbye to our security deposit.
Already? What he do?
Opened a bag of topsoil at the party and spread it all over the living room. TOPSOIL!
Yea. You locked yourself outside naked with nothing but running shoes and claimed it was a "parent trap thing."
Can you get the dildos out of the shower before the maids come?
Randomize
