You know your life is awesome when sometimes you walk down the street eating a sandwich and you run into someone you had a threesome with. And not say hi.
I am now Facebook friends with Donkey Lips from Salute Your Shorts
Judging by the grocery store, everyone stocked up on frozen pizza and beer for the blizzard. If our generation ever faces doomsday, we'll go out smiling.
the guy in the stall next to me, came in, farted, laughed, and proceeded to give himself some sort of hillbilly pep talk that included the phrase "big pussy".
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You stole a frozen pizza from the freezer, stuffed it in the back of your shirt then proceeded to leave the party.
I made mike pull over so I could lay in the grass. He made me get up cuz I looked dead and people were passing. It was like 6:30am.
when I was too drunk to walk on my own two feet, he stole a shopping cart from the grocery store at the corner and proceeded to wheel me back to my apartment.
Then he tucked me in, gave me a goodnight kiss and slept on my sofa. I woke up this morning and he was making waffles.
he is a god among men.
Got a minor my first day of college from the bike police. I'm gonna like it here
I'm really glad I had vomit on my sweater when I met his sister.
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Vomit your little heart out. You've got a long day tomorrow
She moved all of her stuff out while we were gone. Shit in the toilet, and didn’t flush. So yeah it went well.
When I woke up today i said I will NOT sleep with her. This morning I did the walk of shame into work wearing the same clothes... How was your Monday?
what the fuck happend anyway? How did it go from smoothies after work to blacking out?
Are you drunk? You left me a voicemail at 5:59 AM of you making dolphin sounds.
Abby there's no shame in reading porn. It takes more work than watching I suppose
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