Did u know that at any givin time there r 46,948,952 drunk people in the world? Were not alone
i miss you and i wish you were peeing between my legs right now. in a platonic way
Just saw remains of her puke from last night on my pants.... thats got "Apology BJ" written all over it.
She wanted to test if her costume allows her to still have sex in it. It does
It's not mothers day until you're vomitting syrup into grandma's toilet. Cherish the holidays
i'm ready for this baby to gtfo so i can get coked out.
6 other girls and I took an ice cream truck to the bar when we couldn't get a cab. Best birthday ever.
We're smoking a joint the size of the average penis right now. I may not survive.
She's trying to feed the TV fried rice and screaming "FRIED RICE AND TEARS". Please bring me more booze.
I'm just sayin. If your gonna cheat go for someone TOTALLY different. Fucking her twin would be a waste.
Oh my god and he smells like heaven wrapped in a beard of knowledge
Successfully put eye drops in while driving with my glasses on. Stoner level: expert
I had to replace her wine with red vitamin water. So if she’s alive, you can thank me
i'm trying not to stalk him on facebook
i gave in
I could be writing so much lesbian porn right now but noooooo!
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