Being hungover naked and coloring my hair. I guess I am not naked I have black latex gloves on. Give me a call.
im coming over.
There is a reason Crest White Strips don't list masturbation as one of the myriad of activities to do while whitening your teeth. A very good reason.
i just made a girl do the walk of shame. as a bumblebee. i love halloween.
When I told my boss I'm using a vacation day for 4/20, he gave me his personal cell phone number and winked at me.
at least the cop wrote "happy birthday" on the ticket.
Don't know how I even got in. I pulled my id out and threw it at the bouncer, and he just picked it up, checked it, and let me in.
Maybe shotgunning 4 days after oral surgery wasn't such a good idea after all...
The grocery store is a combo of ghetto ppl complaining that the low fat chips are all that's left and hipsters trying to eat organic during the hurricane
I cant believe im wasting my plan b experience on this guy. I should have saved it for someone special.
I just googled "creative ways to tell someone you'll give them a blow job". I'm losing my touch.
I fucked him twice and then he set me up with his teammate. This kid does wonders for me
I was just trying to be a good friend but in retrospect I probably shouldn't have pepper sprayed you.
Not sure, she said after cussing out the dentist they called security. Make that the first person I know 86'ed by a dentist.
I love you even if you are fucked up. If you fall, i'll just get on top of you.
Regardless I WANT TO BE YOUR SEX DISPENSARY. that is like the career I was born for.
Randomize
