guess who was drunk and crawling in the middle of the road and got brought home by the police last night? HINT: ME
I feel like i just miscarried Jesus's baby...
worst 3rd wheel sitch ever. i'm crammed into a booth with him and chubs mcgee and his hand is between her legs. thank youuu karma.
I'd really appreciate it if we could dress up as pilgrims and indians for the thanksgiving eve bar crawl
truck drivers should not leave their trucks unlocked with cigarettes inside when we're drunk and walking around.
The bartender asked if I wanted a to-go cup for my crown and coke.....I just realized I'm back in Montana and fuck did I miss home.
The highlight of your blackout was when you drunk showered with the garden hose and emailed your boss your vacation requests for the next year.
On a side note Tyler is buying beer from a gas station in a panda suit priceless
My horseshoe mustache feels at home at this bar.
But idk if I cried about life then banged him or banged him and then cried. Chicken or the egg?
My vagina has a heartbeat. That means I'm in love, right?
I guess it's part of life. Sometimes your ex boyfriend becomes a drag queen.
so.. he paid for my flight to vegas, took me to shows, bought my drinks and STILL rescued my drunk ass after i ditched him. i HAD to cuddle with him this morning.. fair exchange, right?!
Can you get the dildos out of the shower before the maids come?
you've already made the comitment to pee in public you should at least whip your dick out
Randomize
