my boob sweat smells like rotting zombie flesh
is this your pickup line?
I found a girl on our couch wearing lederhosen this mornig... I dont know if i should be impressed or ashamed
he said he doesnt sext because the government can tap that kind of shit too. no boobie pics for him.
It's like a mixture of two words
"town" and "Im too drunk to spell right now"
I'm hard boiling eggs, drinking rum, and talking to my 8 year old brother about the 10's times tables. This is what thursday is all about.
I got a Luke Skywalker costume so I can go do battle with the homeless guy who plays the fiddle dressed as Darth Vader downtown.
We should tie ourselves together anytime there is any type of alcohol involved. It's the safest way. I either end up with freshmen or weird ex bfs. You end up with a large cowboy. This is not good for us
my left tit made it into the crop job on your profile pic, I knew it was good for other things
It took him an hour to realize I wasn't this "Sarah" girl, and by then he was already crying and eating pizza rolls.
HOLY FUCK I JUST GOT WOKEN UP BY THUNDER!!!!!
I THINK I SHARTED
I want to throw all of their shoes in the pool so I feel like there is some justice in the world
You ruined me. I can't stop referring to everything outside as the "no-walls" ever since you showed me that video while I was tripping balls. My speech may be permanently altered for the rest of earth spins
Tell me why I woke up outside of our hotel room Wearing a cowboy hat and boots in Las Vegas.
He just said Bill Nye is just a dude. If I ever considered sleeping with him, I never will now.
I hate that I still want him to look at me as the vagina that got away.
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