I'm gonna have a badass scar
I am so fucking pissed, there are no Shamwows in the As Seen on TV Store.
Looks like you'll have to stick to jizzing in socks.
I had sex with billy mayes last night. HE KEPT IN CHARACTER THE WHOLE TIME.
my professor just said "the power of the situation"
drink
No stds, not pregs, and lost two pounds. I'd call that a successful two years of grad school.
He's warming up to shark week, by only eating fish and drinking vodka, and all the time he keeps yelling "death to the seals!"
i just got drunk dialed and its 10am. clearly finals are over.
Way to high for badminton right now. This is gonna be a shitshow.
The fact that you're allowing Santa to dry hump your ass is sort of a dealbreaker
Yeah, but she is forever sending my vagina on some sort of mission.
You cried for a while then lifted lots of weights then cady's ex put glitter on your tits and then you took a nap. I got you pizza and brought you home. Nothing too exciting.
I went shopping for a dress that was baptism and bar appropriate.
So the 25yr old smokeshow I fucked last night said "Prepare to be disappointed" as he put the condom on. I was. 40 is bullshit.
Ex-boyfriend shit on a ping pong table at a party last night. Taking "party pooper" to a whole new level.
She calls him the walking dildo to his face. That relationship is already fucked up.
Randomize
