She looks like Sash Grey but sounds like Fran Drescher. Advise.
I havent jerked off in so long, my dick literally prevented me from rolling over in my sleep this morning. new definition of painful?
Word to the wise: do not smoke before going grocery shopping with only 12 bucks. So stressful.
Turns out vomit takes off spray tan.
I didn't ride the struggle bus so much as drive it backwards off a cliff.
Did you fuck him in my garden last night?
That WOULD explain the dirt in my vagina
i am bringing shame upon my ancesors with my weak liver valhalla will never accept me
He is full of southern hospitality and I want to be full of him.
I love you too! Remember NO alcohol or weed at my residence because of legal ramifications.
Turns out both me and my grandpa have a guilty pleasure for South American men.
Let's FaceTime each other while we shotgun beers
Even if they did assume we were doing kinky shit, it's not like they're gonna be like, "HALT SATAN! INTAKE SOME JESUS AND VOMIT YOUR SINS!"
He forgot how to sit. we had to pick him up and set him down.
How was your weekend?
My girlfriend decided the best way to get my mind off of my dog dying was to break up with me via text
Two words: nipple clamps
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