Amanda Bynes on the cover of maxim is my 8th grade masturbation fantasy come to life
It's really awkward/depressing when you are wearing heels larger than his dick
I just don't get it. Video games don't suck his dick.
I've done unspeakable things to your penis. I have every right to give it a name.
judging by the mobile uploads you added of me last night, we cant keep living this way.
We were both halfway out the window trying to give each other high fives over the roof while the dude was going 150.
The gym has a pool
my gym membership just went from "way to get in shape" to "place to go swim when I'm high"
Experimentation with dessert toppings followed by shower sex. Only logical progression bro.
If anyone from work finds out about us I will rip your dick off, sew it to your forehead and feed your balls to you like little grapes
Had a dream I beat up niall then madeout with him while snorting coke out of a dragons egg
Funny how I'm trusting a magic 8 ball I found in the kids toy section to tell me about my sex life
Hold me and let me compliment your butt
Yes. I'm realizing that sports games are good reasons to drink. I just cheer when everyone else cheers.
I looked into this "it's just lunch" matchmaker thing and it was like 5 grand. If I'm gonna spend five grand I'll throw in another three and get new tits and find my own fucking husband.
It started with drunk jenga and ended with me simultaneously peeing and puking on his feet in the tub while he held me up. I met Tequila. I don't like her.
Randomize
