She gave 2 thumbs up when Nirvana came on the radio while blowing me in the bathroom
Some rando is vomiting profusely into the garden outside the employee entrance. Where are you when things like this happen to me?
Vomiting outside the employee entrance
The port-a-pottys are knocked over so I have nowhere to sleep.
EARTHQUAKE STATUS DRINKING GAME
This time, try to not get fingered in the middle of the living room.
I DIDNT GET FINGERED
I was rubbed
I drunken agreed to go wedding dress shopping with a stranger at the bar yesterday. She sent me an email asking what days I am free.
i swear i just dislocated a hip staying still
God this is like a meg Ryan movie without the restaurant orgasms
also somebody did cough syrup and i was really worried but i couldn’t express why properly so i was like MACKLEMORE SAYS NO
I've got your keys and your panties. You can have one back. Your play honeybuns.
You're a goddess. Probably of destruction and dick jokes, or some shit, but man, lesser bitches wish they could be half as fab.
"Fwd: Nice to meet you last night thanks for the tit flash" no recollec. i am officially banned from wearing tube tops to the bar.
The seven of us sank the first paddle boat, but the second one was much nicer and we stayed afloat. Best night in a while, but we had to walk of shame for a mile.
Why are you rhyming?
Too stoned. That is how my thoughts are collecting.
I've got two reasons for you to come over later and one of them is pierced.
He’s definitely circumcised. There’s not enough room in those speedos for a foreskin with that fire hose he’s packing.
Randomize
