I'm peeing chunks and puking liquid. Did I at least have fun last night?
The National Anthem was on so I had to have a beer
How long can I microwave pasta with a 20 percent alcohol content?
He kept spanking me and talking about biomedical science.
Aw, you fucked a pre-med? you're moving up in the world!
I've never seen a kid turn down a sure thing for a possible handy by a freshmen. You need to re-evaluate.
My vibrator challenges you to a duel.
We still on for coffee?
Cream and sugar. Deliver to planned parenthood in 45.
I had to rip your toilet paper for you...
I HAVE to find her. I've got a pretty decent pic of her footprint on my headboard. Wonder if I can get one of the podiatry majors to help?
You really could become the cat lady we've always dreamed of.
Im gonna get home and destroy this bag of chicken nuggets with my soul.
We were cuddling in his bed and I asked him a question and followed by making a microphone with my hand and told him to speak into it. If he never talks to me again that's probably why.
driving home hungover today was like a life test..it was like the goblet of fire
MY MOM WALKED IN WHILE I WAS EATING THEM OUT AND STARTED ASKING US ABOUT THE PROJECT RUNWAY EPISODE WE WERE WATCHING EARLIER
he's the kind of guy you give a fake number to and he still finds out your real number anyway...
Randomize
