Why are handjobs necessary in class?
On a scale of one to Chris Brown, how angry are you?
dude, she was giving me a lapdance and her thong had a skid mark. no I did not hit it.
Theres two guys using a blow up doll to hold their beers while they float around the pool
Im on my way, tell them to get ready for a high-five
Sleepwalking naked until I was 12 made it so much easier to get away with drinking at moms now.
the black eye was caused by a 12 year old girl in a vampire costume who punched you in the face after you aggresively screamed "TEAM JACOB!" in her face & howled at the moon...
He wants to call Lloyd's of London and have my mouth insured.
Just watched a drug bust from the Ralphs parking lot while listening to Frank Sinatra. Happy Valentine's Day.
He's basically like a fancy dildo that buys me dinner.
Get drunk. Masturbate to his picture. Fall asleep. Repeat. Fuck summer.
I gave three different guys a boner at the same time last night, and none of them are in the same city as I am. That's achievement.
He called my vagina his wife... how is that NOT creepy?!
The cop asked me why my pants were around my knees when he woke me from the sink, i replied "Officer, my underwear is still on, nothing bad happened" then he nodded in acknowledgement and we carried on with the paper work.
If by science you mean beer then YES!!!!
I just had a morning three-some with marijuana and a detachable shower-head
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