a very overweight girl in the ER just said she trippped over the invisible wii jump rope and fell
i blew a .213 what kind of thug blows the compton area code exactly? this guy
it tastes like there's a party in my mouth and everyone is throwing up
its freezing days like this when i seriously consider littering to speed up the global warming processes.
you busted in the room, ripped the covers off of us, ... and fist pumped
Is there a zoo near here? I need to see some penguins like right now..
I am not bailing you of of jail
Me+graduation party+hammered drunk+polish horseshoes in the dark= black eye, crying, pissed, passed out in my dress... How was your weekend?
I five year old is judging me because I just opened a bottle of Sam Adams with my teeth before 8am
Hurricane Sex Time is the only thing iv said since it started.
so do you, all the weight can't fall on me. I'll befriend a ball pit owner if you will befriend a drug dealer. teamwork.
I'd say it's a shame and a disservice to the world that we can't stay drunken shitshows to infinity
the best part was at the strip club when he said he was "here to pick up my wife. she's up on stage.....wait that's my aunt". only in Ottawa.
just wanted to eat pizza off his dick so he let me and he can never forget it
The sex was so good I feel like I could run a triathlon, hit big at the casino, and defeat ISIS.
All of my friends are talking about changing their lives because they have an alcohol addiction and I'm over here reminding my boss that it's national beer day.
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