My butt just had a miscarriage. It was yours. I'm sorry. You would have been a great sexually confused parent.
i either just walked in on pete wacking off to webmd or he was checking his dick for herpes
Practice the "sorry I may have given you herpes" conversation with me before I call him and break the news
You kept yelling that her vagina looked like a hatchet wound.
I was totally going to sleep with him, until he got naked and started swinging around his boner singing "I'm so hard. oh yeah yeah yeah, I'm so hard" like Rihanna.
It was like the perfect storm of bad decisions.
Did you find any other hidden treasures in my room? Specifically weed? Or Slim Jims?
I guess? According to Jeff his mom is wondering when the grand babies will arrive. So I don't think they like ME so much as my supposed functioning uterus
In between rounds of sex, you stopped and did drunken handstand push-ups.
I need someone to sew my vagina shut until I'm responsible enough to use it
Her 4ft mother helped 5ft10 passed out me from the car to my girlfriend's bed at 1am...with whopper in hand
I have to sleep with him. We're too much alike. It's like clash of the titans, except instead of clashing, he's putting it in me.
I hate to be the bearer of bad news, but yours is no longer the biggest penis I've seen. It is however, still the prettiest.
So drinking that old rum that I found in the ceiling of my dorm was prob not my best idea. But good news: my puke was so colorful b/c of all the skittles i ate
I swear 2020 just keeps getting worse and worse
Randomize
