Dude.. I don’t care how hairy she is, you already left me at the bar, and now I have to find another fucking way home... NOW BE A MAN ABOUT IT!
I just masturbated into a dress sock. I feel fancy
He confessed to putting dry erase marker dots on my vibrator to keep track of when I "electronically cheated" and then passed out.
I want to apologize but I don't know how. Do I just say "sorry for OD'ing on your couch"? I think that just sounds weird.
I have a strict rule of what enters my vajay. It's either sparkly, or human. Anything else and I draw the line. Standards.
The only thing he had going for him was mad fingering skills. the ONLY thing. crayons have a wider circumference.
I should not be so motivated by a penis, but I am
His dad gives me dirty looks whenever I come over though. I think it's because I eat his food and have sex with his son.
She started giving me head while we were watching the Walking Dead premiere, WORST BJ EVER.
You invented a drink at the bar and named it Boner Soup. It was like an even trashier version of a long island iced tea
You asked for his ID and then said "I am like a bouncer but for my vagina."
Didn't know where your dishes went. Put em in the bathtub. They're stacked taller than you. It's like modern art.
We were right in the middle of sex and all of a sudden his kids toy story action figure starts talking "I think the word your searching for is Space Ranger." A literal Buzz kill. It was equally creepy and hilarious.
he had DANDRUFF in his PUBES. 0/10 would not blow again.
I RAN OVER A NUN! I RAN OVER A FUCKING NUN! GOD WILL NEVER FORGIVE ME FOR MY SINS NOW!!!
Randomize
