i licked the inside of a toilet bowl for $14. i really can't talk about my night.
He fell asleep in the strip club and they paid some stripper $20 to sit on his face until he woke up.
He told me his penis would be a "Sad Panda" if I didn't give it a ride through the jungle.
Well, at first I was really confused. But then I realized that he was talking from his penis's perspective... in third person.
Its against the rules to not make you aware of his virgin situation prior to penetration
She said she couldn't sleep with a guy who had blood stains on his ceiling. I tried to explain it wasn't my blood, but she still left :(
She tried to sit inside the drawer to my dresser and when it broke, she burst into tears calling herself fat. Too high to deal with this
I'm just now starting to feel better... I remembered sleeping on the floor. I was peeing and saw his rug and it looked so comfy
I think we've gotten passed awkward... the day I woke up at the palms and ur getting eaten out by the dude who just fucked me on the balcony.
I was going to learn how to knit but I got high instead.
I just spent the last three days trying to hook up with a dude for his pool privileges
Grandma's bordering on serious shit show territory at this point.
I will feed you tacos. I will touch your butt. Happy Valentine's Day ❤️
I am drunkenly riding a razor scooter up and down the hills of Cincinnati
What in the fuck are you doing with your life
i ordered what the bartender said was called a pink cock, and kept saying it tastes like a disney princess. thats how my 21st bday went
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