Drinking non-alcoholic beer is like going down on your cousin.
Sure it tastes the same, but it ain't right.
Guess who just hooked up with the cop that fingerprinted her?
we fucked the fort apart but we'll rebuild it after we get some drinks.
In the 30 seconds it took me to leave the bar I let the barback motorboat me, ripped open a stranger's shirt and bit his chest, then made out with El Camino dude. No, I'm not coming out tonight.
in case you were wondering, even a BJ under a blanket on the back of a bus only lifts a 14-hour bus ride to borderline tolerable.
Exactly. Some of us want to get married. And some of us want to wear sombreros and do cocaine. To each their own.
It's sitting in bleach right now. You will be the creepiest coolest dude in my book if you made a bracelet from my tooth.
We also had a full on debate about how realistic and useful teleportation and time travel would be...and only used Twilight Zone episodes as "scientific evidence"
If tits could talk, mine would be bragging
The album on my phone containing gross pictures to send when boys ask for nudes is now substantially larger than my normal photo album. Because I send one every night
If a clean cut ginger with a flannel and tattoos shows up at the apartment, he is allowed inside.
Ah Christ I think I've reached the single life mentality 100%. I just inquired a photographer about a photo shoot with my dog.
Ya can’t just go throwing accusations around about someone pooping their pants without some hard evidence
Its like a glacier coming out of my asshole.
Ya that dick wasn't worth burning a perfectly good pizza.
You live and learn.
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