I'm drinking till I'm someone else's problem
Opportunity cost of getting to econ after a night on the town > marginal benefit of attending class
Just made a Mimosa with Chardonnay and Emergen-C.
I was so high last night that i'm 89% sure my roommates set up an obstacle course for me and timed it. Not positive.. I think one of the challenges was pairing shoes
You only like me because I'm a challenge
You already blew me
You should come over. I am making a celebratory I got laid by a huge penis cake.
My student's should feel privledged to see me tuesday after the amount of alcohol I consumed this weekend.
last time i saw her she was begging the broken jukebox to play lady gaga.
Turns out they use me as an example of What Not To Do at freshman orientation. My little brother told me.
Based on how hungover I feel today, it makes more sense that the bouncer didn't let me in to that bar.
Just saw the stripper pole on the road that we threw out of the party bus last night
This is davidson friend mat i an drunk. Thank you for having a physical relationship. With David. I bet he gas a penis the size of an elephant tusk. You are a lucky lady.
My professor just gave us a margarita recipe.
Why?
Because, and I quote, he "wants to give us the tools to succeed in life."
oh god my hair smells like rotten vegetables, sweat, and tequila. I wanna party with your neighbors every night.
He asked me if I wanted to blow his whistle and proceeded to pull out an actual whistle.
Randomize
