apparently they started giving me water shots and i couldnt tell the difference
Theres this fat girl in desperate need of the proactive factory in my class and as i watch her shovel food in her face I am struggling to not only keep down my meager lunch but also to stay straight. Eliza Dushku couldnt even get my flacid dick to move
Why does it say "go to Planned Parenthood tomorrow" on my dry-erase board?
Could you please tell them to stop whispering "thundercunt" every time I walk in the room?
Whats the count minus fat chicks?
Well I scaled a 3 story building last night to get laid. What have u done for ur penis lately?
Dude squirt doesnt even begin to describe it i thought she was the lost portal to atlantis with how much she let out
There's a point around the one and a half minute mark where the keg stand goes from impressive to pathetic
I seriously think my heart may fail. And I didn't even grab a toilet beer :(
Traded my phone for pizza, then got it back this morning....successful night
I hooked up with some guy to get over my ex last night. I was terrified until we started doing naked pushups.
Note to self. Don't order a $10 bottle of wine on a 40 min flight because it seems like a good deal.
God you're perfect.
I am. So drunk right now. Good work, Frontier.
It is becoming increasingly more likely that my entire halloween costume will be entirely composed of borrowed clothing from the two girls I'm hooking up
He sent me a snapchat of himself growing a double chin. I think we're past the stage where there's any risk of us sleeping together. Ever.
He dated a girl who could do the damn splits on his dick like how do you compete with that
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