i've got a dick and you've got a pussy....what is the problem??
hey my socially awkward cousin is our designated driver for summer, we just have to put up with her wierd shit.
he looks like a really good dad on facebook
yea pretty sure we followed the trail of your spaghetti-o vomit to find the car
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i walked in the apt and she was vacuuming. i asked why and she said so we could have sex on the floor. i love clean freaks.
My ATM looks so different sober.
The doctor asked me what height I fell from to hurt my back.. I answered keg height
In the sauna. Drunk. When I close my eyes I think I'm a dog. Is that wrong?
FYI: telling a guy his dick is more impressive than you remembered it - they don't take it as a compliment.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
We were debating whether you had hooked up with him. I was right for the record.
have you ever seen all dogs go to heaven this is important
ive started thanking my toys after masturbating. might be time to get some fuck boys
How does fucking Canada get Justin Good Guy Take Me Now, Just Fuck Me In The House of Commons Trudeau, and our new President looks like he bathes in cheetoh dust and sin?
My boobs look fucktastic, I have a booty call on Sunday and a dick photo on my phone. Life is grand!
I am drunkenly riding a razor scooter up and down the hills of Cincinnati
What in the fuck are you doing with your life
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