thats the only time ive ever had sloppy firsts
i just watched my husband get a prostate exam. sex is ruined for me.
he just spelled fiance, "pheancie". I dont think he's ready to get married.
Xanax and allergy medicine look a lot alike when you spill them on the floor. Just saying that I still have allergies but I'm unsure if I still have legs
I was in bed at 845. Affairs take a lot out of people
He was going down on me as I discovered a spaghetti-O on my boob. Its been a while since I faked it.
She wanted to make popcorn, but the air-popper was broken. So she dumped the entire container of kernels into the clothes dryer. Drunk movie night was a success!
BTW the amount of schmoozing I am doing towards some guy for an ID that may or may not look like you... You better love me.
You having your own car has severely reduced the amount of blowjobs I get.
my mom said i came home and fell asleep on the floor. like right in front of her.
the sex was good. her showing me pictures of her 4 year old daughter afterwards was not.
Like either my tits got bigger or I've succumbed to Trumps tiny hand syndrome
I think I just found my soul mate...he's wearing a zebra striped onesie and is into Michael Jackson...I'll explain in the morning.
I told him I was studying his body for art, so now I have to actually do a drawing of him to not look like a creep and so we can hook up again.
A young (I'm going to guess late middle school age) kid shouted at me from the crosswalk GAS PUMP OF SHAME! I have peaked in life.
Randomize
