there was a trapeze. enough said
some girl just asked me how to spell unconscious. I really want to know what she was texting.
They're donating plasma together for extra money. Couple of the fucking century.
I'm inventing beer flavored vodka. This raspberry shit makes me feel like a pussy.
He screamed for everyone to hide, unplugged the music, then talked to the cop. Last I saw he was high fiving him...
He's the fucking cop whisperer.
He got punched in the face, dropped his laptop down a flight of stairs, and broke his roommate's lava lamp, getting all the toxic lava goo everywhere. This is why we don't let him get drunk. And yet here we are.
He made me cum 7 times AND I nearly drowned him during that 69 in the back of a ford focus. Yeah I should get my gynocologist.
Favorite thing said to me in 2012: It's like you have two tongues!
Were you keeping a list?
All I want to do on Facebook today is comment on people I knew in high schools profile pictures and tell them how much uglier they are now.
No. DON'T DO IT. Friends don't let friends fuck clowns.
I decided to do drugs in front of her because if anyone can handle the truth it's a ghost
I just found your shirt hanging in a tree 4 blocks from the party...in the opposite direction of your house. where are you going?
I'm really excited to meet your new dude! But we really need to find out if he's your cousin first.
I DEMAND FORESKIN
it was weird i started the party in just my underwear and woke up in my clothes
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