he said i look beautiful when i cum. i think i'm in love.
I'm reading about reasons for wearing clothing. IS THIS COLLEGE OR PRESCHOOL?
I'm playing the Jersey Shore drinking game by myself at my mom's house. Things like this are not okay after college.
You do realize I got a panda tattooed on my ass just to get you laid, right?
I just test ran being their maid. I'm getting 50 bucks a month and they're buying the costume.
We had to go to his parents last night for dinner & ended up having a quickie in the bathroom while everyone else was outside smoking.. This is why we have a successful marriage.
Was in the middle of a keg stand, the frat guys dropped me, and I broke my nose. My mom didn't enjoy that call from the hospital.
My dad is so drunk he attempted to ride my two year old cousin's tricycle. For a solid five minutes.
You're lucky I'm tired or I'd take a pic of me mounting a reindeer yard decoration
It's like a double rainbow in both sides of the sky mixed with The Jeffersons.
Girl, we were harassing people from the top of a building. I don't know how I got down, but I'm eating chocolate cake in my kitchen. Sall good yo.
Somehow she talked me into getting my dick pierced, weird first date.
No biggie, just trying to keep my liver function in the green
MUFFINS DON'T MAKE YOU ORGASM MULTIPLE TIMES OR HAVE ROCK HARD MUSCLES.
Clearly you need to take sleeping pills and put your phone in the toilet
Randomize
