Seeya bye Latvian government! Whammy!
im at a party in sweatpants, slippers, and a basketball jersey from the eighth grade, 10 bucks says im still getting laid
i think i left my bra at your place
It's still hanging from my ceiling fan. Please let me keep it there.
I just won unlimited hot dogs for life. I'm so glad I smoked
we just bought Vicodin from the Chinese delivery guy, this day just keeps getting better.
I told him that he was essentially a very life-like dildo with a person attached so he needed to stop having feelings because it was getting annoying. He agreed.
Why am I the only one golf clapping for the vomiting girl on the train who just fell of her seat into her own vomit
Also I just had a flash back ... He told me I have nice nipples and then asked me about yours..
Why am I not blowing coke off your ass at my apartment?
I just had to explain to an 70+ year old lady what 'coitus' was. This was not in my job description.
WHAT IS ALL THIS WATER BOTTLE FLIPPING NONSENSE? WHAT IS LIT?
YOUTHS.
sorry bout the carpet, but you DID call it "blackout punch" not "don't vom on my floor punch"
In the last 2 hours I managed to have romantic starlit sex on the beach as the tide came in with not only just a gorgeous man, but one who happens to be Eastern European and finishing Harvard law school.
Oh wow. I want to be you right now.
Where do you think black out memories go?
Into the dark abysmal abyss of the deepest, darkest part of your mind. It's obviously the bodies natural defense to protect you from witnessing the shit you do while actually blacked out.
The ass gains better be worth it
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