You should really figure out how to get me a picture that will pop up on my phone when you call
Just upload a picture of Bea Arthur. That's what my soul looks like these days
All I'm saying, is that being compared to a Muppet is not the end of the world.
I'm in the library if you wanna come give me library head.
There's a fried egg and an empty bottle of reddiwhip in the parking lot. Did you have fun last night?
He said female orgasms are a myth and refuses to even try to give me one.
well i mean she can't stop a weed based friendship...its like a trying to stop a bomb or a really fast train...
We should go, because after those margaritas time is running out on my sobriety clock.
I can't feel the bottom half of my face but i feel like our sex would be amazing
No. You don't want this. When I threw up last night, it was so intense I went blind for about 3 seconds.
I feel like I owe her child an apology or something after blowing my load on the tattoo she has of her.
I haven't been dieting for my entire life to date some guy who thinks his dad bod is a riot.
She tried doing a backflip and ended up doing somersaults down the entire stair case.
Do you think it would be weird to add her on Facebook?
You just commited a felony act together, I honestly think we're beyond this.
woke up with 8 used magnum condoms bound together by floss around my neck, thats about all im gonna tell you.
I just caught your son trying to perform fellatio on himself. What do I do?
Randomize
