if i were to get pulled over right now, the only thing i would be guilty of is listening to 90's Mariah Carey
and then she said I drew a line on her forehead with my cum and whispered "Simba"
I'm pretty sure my penis yawned halfway through. That loose.
i'm in workout clothes. this is progress.
Question. Will thrown up fruit loops go down the shower drain?
I gave you a 45 minute blowjob. You were inside me for 3 minutes. I'm going to need you to get your shit together.
Did you hear me? I HAVE THE CONTENTS OF AN NBA PLAYER'S CONDOM IN MY BEDROOM TRASHCAN!! This shit is potentially worth millions of dollars to a fertile young female who is ovulating. How do I sell it fast??
I sent him a naked picture of me with the caption "I lost at beer pong, this was a dare. Hope your nights going as good as mine" I've never talked to him in my life, this is a strange way to start.
There are 27 signatures on my ass. What the hell happened last night?
Every time someone made a cup you congratulated them by letting them sign your ass.
No she left bc the of pic I have of my mom in my bathroom. She thought it was my gf
Why the hell do you have a picture of YOUR MOM in your bathroom?!?!
The one with glasses said he was keeping my bra. He had me sign it before he left and he said he would be hanging it up in his bunker. I support our troops.
I get a nose bleed and my uncle is automatically giving me the "your doing lines off dashboards again aren't you" look
I wish I'd realized he looked like Skrillex before I was already in the middle of fucking him...
i'm eating chex mix in the shower while texting. i feel accomplished.
Last night I drank three beers and threw up in a tree house. I am ashamed.
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