Picture the opening band right now: euro, beer guts, one member in oversized hipster lumberjack apparel, the other in childsized american apparel and shorts. Singing in german.
Blew in her face. She is Pissed. Yahtzee. As she brushes her teeth.
She fucked me for a ride to the airport. If this is what the rest of college is like, I'm never graduating.
is it cool if i crash at ur house this weekend again bro
yea dude but i wld bring a sleeping bag or something just in case. or u may just have to shack up with a woman or 2 cuz we hav 10 girls visiting/staying over at my house.
how did u manage to make sleeping with a bunch of girls sound like an inconvenience?
At what point does "I'm too high to deal with you right now" stop being rude?
Remind me not to get naked underneath a tree I'm allergic to again.
Just woke up next to a girl with 30 hot dogs in my bed. Vodka you win again.
Way too stoned bro. Was laying down on my back and thought for a good 30 mins what it would be like to be a turtle stuck on its shell
I'd recommend you leave that level of crazy to the experts. I'd start with an under appreciated soccer mom if I were you.
Spent fifteen minutes in the car thinking i was psychic before i realized the cd was not on shuffle
All the party invite said was a date and "21 to drink, 18ish to sleep over"
Every FB picture she has looks like it's from the POV of the guy she's blowing
Like Is it appropriate to tell your boss you banged a guy in the back of a truck at a wedding? Probably not.
i need some fresh meat. meat that has a license and a job and isn’t a FULL-blown alcoholic. partial i could tolerate, bc, haha, let’s be honest, me likey my drinkies.
I left you a really long drunk voicemail and I remember something about a bat
Randomize
