I came home drunk to my night light on and a Hershey's bar on my bed. Mom knows me too well.
i just feel like it would be irresponsible for you to not have sex with me again.
My vagina agrees.
I'll report later on the progress of the mountain orgy
Just used "I used to work as an inflatable toy operator" as a pick up line. Freshman frenzy is great...
Your children are clinging to me like my teets are full of bountiful milkiness. They're driving me nuts. I felt my uterus shrivel up.
I have good news and bad news. Bad news, she's not in porn. Good news, I found porn.
btw my frat has a search out for you. the "girl who threw up in the middle of the party" but it was on some fat girls. so thank you.
Your roommates will be treating you to many anecdotes about my intentions to have aggressive sex with you. I'm sorry in advance.
Her mom came down to the basement and took shots with us. She's now passed out in a wheel barrow. This party got weird
It's gotten to the point that I'm pretty sure I'm going to need to be legally drunk before I enter the voting booth this year.
I'm hungover and eating lunch at an elementary school. The children are barking. Litrealy barking, like dogs.
Woke up. Found about 20 condoms upstairs. A hole in the couch. Bread on the floor. Going back to sleep.
It was like a single vaginal boat in a sea of one eyed monsters
Sorry I totally pulled a home invasion on you last night
That was super inconsiderate of me
Tbh I’m not a vibrator enthusiast
But I am godly
Randomize
